Received these thru' the email:
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Blady Parkers!
Yup, I really mean it. Nope, it wasn't a typo. Its not blady farkers. I really do mean to say blady parkers. And nope. I am not cursing peter parker or anyone parker pens. My parkers are those puki mak kan ni na bu chao tibai parkers who park their cars. Especially the Malaysia Boleh ones. Wifey always asked me why I get agitated whenever I go to a shopping mall, especially in the afternoon or in the evening. My answer is simple ... those blady parkers pisses me off.
The Kiasu Type Parker
This type of kiasu parker are the ones who goes round and round (not the whole parking lot) but in front of the entrances. They must park as near as possible to the entrance. Especially if its at the first level. Cannot go B2 or B3. Must always be B1 and must always be as close as possible to the entrance or to the lift. If there is a parking lot right in front of the door, I am sure they will wait for it to be vacant. Can't understand this kind of pundek. They are willing to sit in the car and wait until its vacant or just go around until someone leaves. They have so much time to burn on their hands.
The Why da dark Must I pay for parking type of Parker
These are the kan ni nehs that parked outside by the road. Even if its illegal, they will still risk it. Why must I pay RM1.00 for parking when I can park outside for free. Wonder what they say when they receive the saman. Probably cursed and swear at the cops who ticketed him and then blames the government for corruption and mismanagement etc etc etc. Bitch bitch bitch and then he will swear that he will vote for the opposition party at the next election. And if his car gets stolen, he will also vote for the opposition party and blame the cops for being lazy. What you should do? If all these cars are causing traffic to slow down, suggest you drive by with your windows down, hold a coin and stick out your hand and just drive by. Try to get a straight line from one car to the other. Its not easy you know to draw straight line.
The Trickster type of Parker
Ah ... this wan .... the best way to describe these parkers are the kancil or kelisa owners. They park their cars sooooooo farking deep into the lot, you can't see the car's ass or the car. You drive into a parking area and see an "empty" slot. You tekan your gas to go there, put signal, turn your steering wheel just to see that there is a kancil or a kelisa inside. TIU NIA SENG!
The Janji Ada Lubang type of Parker
This wan .... also applies especially to the kancil or kelisa owners. Its not a parking lot. But there is space. They will definitely squeeze their blady cars inside. Janji ada lubang mah.
The "You Don't Know How to Drive" Type of Parker
Not the Parker don't know how to drive. But the other cars. This puki tiang parker will park his car in such a spot that other cars will have problems making turns or making maneuvers. What he doesn't know that it makes it difficult for people to move or to turn. This puki tiang parker is probably sitting somewhere watching you and commenting that you are some stupid farker who just passed your driving license and don't know how to drive properly.
The Masturbating Parker
I call them masturbating 'cos I really don't know what the fark they are doing inside the car. You are looking for a parking and you see them getting into their car. So you go, "Whoooopeee!!! I am so lucky today". Lucky my ass! You put your signal and wait. 5 minutes later, you still see movement inside the car but the car still has not reversed out. What da fark is he doing inside? Sometimes you even see that tibai fark making a phone call. He sees you and he continues talking. You wait. Best part is, there is a long queue of cars behind you as well. But you wait 'cos you "found" a parking. But the tibai fark takes ages to reverse out.
The other type of parker that is similar to this one is the I will take my time to load my stuff parker. You see this mah hai fella come out with a trolley full of groceries or shopping and loads it into his car with such care and skill like he was loading 1,000 eggs into the car. He even re-arranges what he has loaded. Sometimes, the tibai fark even re-arrange the contents of the plastic bag, moving some items from this bag to that bag and vice versa. You feel like getting out of your car and bash him with your steering lock, load him into the car and drive the car out and you drive your car inside.
The "I won't tell you where I park" type of parker
These are the ones you see walking out of a mall with their shopping bags and car keys in their hands. Very obvious they are leaving. Its either you tail them or you wait in the car with your signal lights on. Sometimes you gesture in your car and asks "where is your car? are you leaving?" Either these dumb farks ignore you OR they wave back and say no no. But then, their car was parked just behind you and as you leave to look for another car park ... they get in and drive off! Mah hai!
The Dumb and Deserved to be mowed down type of Parker
This kan ni neh is the one who sees you and ignores you. You see him carrying loads of stuff to load into his car. You put your signal, sighs a big sigh of relief and wait. He loads. He rearranges. He looks at you. You are just so relieved that you found a parking space. He continues loading. He continues rearranging. 5 minutes later he closes the boot. He presses the alarm. "chuit chuit" it goes. He looks and you and waves, "sorry I am not leaving" and walks back into the mall. Your reaction? AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! KAN NI NA BU CHAO TIBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You step out of your car, take your steering lock and throw it like a javelin at the driver. Then you drive away. Haha.
The Double Parker
Need I say more? These are the kan ni neh farks that double parks and walks into a shop 500m away and forgets that he has double parked. You go to your car and sees someone blocking you. You blast your horn. Honk honk HOOOOOOONKKKKK!!!! No one comes out. The better ones actually leave their phone numbers behind. The idiots ... they just don't come out. You feel like taking out your steering wheel lock and stand guard and wait until the mutha farker comes out and you will bash his brains out. Half an hour of honking later, you see him running out waving sorry sorry and you just sigh a big sigh of relief and cursing your own bad luck instead of bashing him with your lock. Some even better. You blast your honk for 10 minutes. The guy comes out of a shop 500m away. He takes his own sweet time to swagger over to his car. Another 5 minutes. He stops by the van that sells soya bean. Tah pau soya bean some more. Then swaggers over and waves sorry. He gets into his car and drives off. You are just so dumb farked that you feel like hitting yourself with the lock.
The Gangster Parker
You see someone leaving. You put your signal. You wait. When the car leaves, sometimes you try to reverse in. Even before you engage your gears, this farker drove right in and parked. You stare at him. He comes out of his car. Tattoo all over. Ciggy in mouth. He stares back. WHAT? He shouts. You just drive on quietly .... BUT ... you sneak back later and scratch his car with a coin. HAHAHA
The Cock-eye parker
This is the one that cannot park straight. Actually takes up 2 parking lots. Maybe he pays double the parking rate? I don't know. Sometimes you feel like scratching his car with a coin and say "PLEASE PARK STRAIGHT YOU COCK EYE MUTHA FARKER!"
The tibai motorcyles
These are the pundeks that park their motorcycles in a car park bay. One motorcycle. Parked right inside in the middle. You just come out and try to push his bike away .... its locked. You push push ... you get fed-up and decides to just push the bike over, kick the bike and then drive away.
Finally ... the What da fark type of Parker
That's me. I see all the above all the time and I just go .... WHAT DA FARK???!! Sighs .... Actually, there's more than the above type of parkers. I better get back to working now. I am sure you know what other type of parkers are out there.
The Kiasu Type Parker
This type of kiasu parker are the ones who goes round and round (not the whole parking lot) but in front of the entrances. They must park as near as possible to the entrance. Especially if its at the first level. Cannot go B2 or B3. Must always be B1 and must always be as close as possible to the entrance or to the lift. If there is a parking lot right in front of the door, I am sure they will wait for it to be vacant. Can't understand this kind of pundek. They are willing to sit in the car and wait until its vacant or just go around until someone leaves. They have so much time to burn on their hands.
The Why da dark Must I pay for parking type of Parker
These are the kan ni nehs that parked outside by the road. Even if its illegal, they will still risk it. Why must I pay RM1.00 for parking when I can park outside for free. Wonder what they say when they receive the saman. Probably cursed and swear at the cops who ticketed him and then blames the government for corruption and mismanagement etc etc etc. Bitch bitch bitch and then he will swear that he will vote for the opposition party at the next election. And if his car gets stolen, he will also vote for the opposition party and blame the cops for being lazy. What you should do? If all these cars are causing traffic to slow down, suggest you drive by with your windows down, hold a coin and stick out your hand and just drive by. Try to get a straight line from one car to the other. Its not easy you know to draw straight line.
The Trickster type of Parker
Ah ... this wan .... the best way to describe these parkers are the kancil or kelisa owners. They park their cars sooooooo farking deep into the lot, you can't see the car's ass or the car. You drive into a parking area and see an "empty" slot. You tekan your gas to go there, put signal, turn your steering wheel just to see that there is a kancil or a kelisa inside. TIU NIA SENG!
The Janji Ada Lubang type of Parker
This wan .... also applies especially to the kancil or kelisa owners. Its not a parking lot. But there is space. They will definitely squeeze their blady cars inside. Janji ada lubang mah.
The "You Don't Know How to Drive" Type of Parker
Not the Parker don't know how to drive. But the other cars. This puki tiang parker will park his car in such a spot that other cars will have problems making turns or making maneuvers. What he doesn't know that it makes it difficult for people to move or to turn. This puki tiang parker is probably sitting somewhere watching you and commenting that you are some stupid farker who just passed your driving license and don't know how to drive properly.
The Masturbating Parker
I call them masturbating 'cos I really don't know what the fark they are doing inside the car. You are looking for a parking and you see them getting into their car. So you go, "Whoooopeee!!! I am so lucky today". Lucky my ass! You put your signal and wait. 5 minutes later, you still see movement inside the car but the car still has not reversed out. What da fark is he doing inside? Sometimes you even see that tibai fark making a phone call. He sees you and he continues talking. You wait. Best part is, there is a long queue of cars behind you as well. But you wait 'cos you "found" a parking. But the tibai fark takes ages to reverse out.
The other type of parker that is similar to this one is the I will take my time to load my stuff parker. You see this mah hai fella come out with a trolley full of groceries or shopping and loads it into his car with such care and skill like he was loading 1,000 eggs into the car. He even re-arranges what he has loaded. Sometimes, the tibai fark even re-arrange the contents of the plastic bag, moving some items from this bag to that bag and vice versa. You feel like getting out of your car and bash him with your steering lock, load him into the car and drive the car out and you drive your car inside.
The "I won't tell you where I park" type of parker
These are the ones you see walking out of a mall with their shopping bags and car keys in their hands. Very obvious they are leaving. Its either you tail them or you wait in the car with your signal lights on. Sometimes you gesture in your car and asks "where is your car? are you leaving?" Either these dumb farks ignore you OR they wave back and say no no. But then, their car was parked just behind you and as you leave to look for another car park ... they get in and drive off! Mah hai!
The Dumb and Deserved to be mowed down type of Parker
This kan ni neh is the one who sees you and ignores you. You see him carrying loads of stuff to load into his car. You put your signal, sighs a big sigh of relief and wait. He loads. He rearranges. He looks at you. You are just so relieved that you found a parking space. He continues loading. He continues rearranging. 5 minutes later he closes the boot. He presses the alarm. "chuit chuit" it goes. He looks and you and waves, "sorry I am not leaving" and walks back into the mall. Your reaction? AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! KAN NI NA BU CHAO TIBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You step out of your car, take your steering lock and throw it like a javelin at the driver. Then you drive away. Haha.
The Double Parker
Need I say more? These are the kan ni neh farks that double parks and walks into a shop 500m away and forgets that he has double parked. You go to your car and sees someone blocking you. You blast your horn. Honk honk HOOOOOOONKKKKK!!!! No one comes out. The better ones actually leave their phone numbers behind. The idiots ... they just don't come out. You feel like taking out your steering wheel lock and stand guard and wait until the mutha farker comes out and you will bash his brains out. Half an hour of honking later, you see him running out waving sorry sorry and you just sigh a big sigh of relief and cursing your own bad luck instead of bashing him with your lock. Some even better. You blast your honk for 10 minutes. The guy comes out of a shop 500m away. He takes his own sweet time to swagger over to his car. Another 5 minutes. He stops by the van that sells soya bean. Tah pau soya bean some more. Then swaggers over and waves sorry. He gets into his car and drives off. You are just so dumb farked that you feel like hitting yourself with the lock.
The Gangster Parker
You see someone leaving. You put your signal. You wait. When the car leaves, sometimes you try to reverse in. Even before you engage your gears, this farker drove right in and parked. You stare at him. He comes out of his car. Tattoo all over. Ciggy in mouth. He stares back. WHAT? He shouts. You just drive on quietly .... BUT ... you sneak back later and scratch his car with a coin. HAHAHA
The Cock-eye parker
This is the one that cannot park straight. Actually takes up 2 parking lots. Maybe he pays double the parking rate? I don't know. Sometimes you feel like scratching his car with a coin and say "PLEASE PARK STRAIGHT YOU COCK EYE MUTHA FARKER!"
The tibai motorcyles
These are the pundeks that park their motorcycles in a car park bay. One motorcycle. Parked right inside in the middle. You just come out and try to push his bike away .... its locked. You push push ... you get fed-up and decides to just push the bike over, kick the bike and then drive away.
Finally ... the What da fark type of Parker
That's me. I see all the above all the time and I just go .... WHAT DA FARK???!! Sighs .... Actually, there's more than the above type of parkers. I better get back to working now. I am sure you know what other type of parkers are out there.
Friday, June 22, 2007
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys .... I really really cannot believe this. Tibai Dave told me that me site has been blocked 'cos of offensive material. Adult & Nudity contents it seems. Some readers tell me I swear too much. Basically ... to summarize, my blog site is farking evil and perverted.
And GUESS WHAT? A simple mis-type or typo error of my URL leads to a site I can't friggin imagine it can even happen!!!!!!!!!!
Click and see for yourselves!
I know I am repeating myself like those dumb parrots or mynah birds. But ... between blogspot and blogpsot .... what is PSOT anyway???????? Please Say Other Things??? How can this happen??? WHY???? WHY??? And guess who discovered the site by accident? Me wifey. Of all people ... ME WIFEY!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Is this a SIGN? Fark me .... I am so dumb farked (ok ok ... if this is a sign, I am soooo dumb founded) now ...
WHAT THE *%@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ey Tibai Dave ..... since you can't visit me site at work, maybe you can visit the other site. M friggin sure it won't be blocked. In fact, I think its holistic for you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Damn ... I am really gonna burn for this.....
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Why foreigner?
You know guys, lately there were a lot of shit about why more and more Malaysian men marry foreign women. Statistics show that the number of local men marrying foreign women has doubled. Well ... I am one of those men. Wifey is a foreigner.
The funny thing about all this hype and debate about foreign women is ... they think that some of the men are losers. Hence, no choice but gotta go "buy" a bride. Don't get me wrong here ... I didn't buy me wifey. We met at a friend's wedding. But ... what I am trying to say is, there are women and women groups whom I guess, feels better when they say such things that men here are blind, or they prefer submissive women or ... they are just not good enough for local women. Even certain quarters have said ... why must men marry foreigner? How the hell do you explain love? We are now living in a borderless world. Internet made everything borderless. We travel overseas for studies or for work. We communicate and deal with foreigners. Basically ... our pool or our choices have widened. Same goes for the women as well. Their choices have widened as well.
But our Gomen and people here ... as always have the same Malaysian mentality. Which is we must protect the locals. They encourage you to marry locals. Don't marry mat salleh etc. Oh yeah, they do have a genuine reason for making things difficult .... especially with immigration. They are trying their best to dig out sham marriages.
Ok ok ... enough with all these serious talk. Let me present my case using "visual" presentation on why ... just why we choose foreigner.
This is our Ms. Malaysia - representing our good old Malaysia.
ms malaysia source: msuniverse.com
And let's check out our neighbours .... no need go far far. Just around here will do ....
ms Thailand source: msuniverse.com
ms singapore source: msuniverse.com
ms philippines source: msuniverse.com
ms indonesia source: msuniverse.com
They say a picture speaks a thousand words. Need I say more? How to compete lah like that? Simple ... between all the chicks above ... would you still choose Ms Malaysia? Tiu ... ok-lah. I be fair today. Maybe bad angle the photograph. But look at her lah. Like some girl come out from kampung like that ... so excited kena take photograph. Pose lah sikit. You call that posing ... fark, I think I lamp posts are placed in better position than her.
And then ... people here complain Malaysian men desperate .... not good enough to marry local girl, have to find foreign girl .... TIU NIA SENG! Look lah above. Got choices mah. Kan ni neh. How in the world she became our Ms Malaysia in the first place? Fark ..... I think my tea aunty here didn't compete. If she compete, she would have beaten her. Tiu ... send horse there to compete also got better chance of winning.
Oh ... for those who thinks I am shallow ... FARK YOU! Representing us lah dei. Representing Malaysia. Send lah someone more geng chow. For those of you who thinks ... maybe it was her personality? Her character? Oh oh ... her BRAINS. They like smart women nowadays. DEI ... you guys forgot this is beauty pageant contest is it? All those probably score like only 5% of the overall points. Fark ... in fact, if they wanted Brains, do you need to farking ask stupid questions about the environment, the politics etc? Ask them to do MENSA tests lah. Better yet, sit down in classroom and do lah some exams. If its about Brains and character and personality, why the fark you want them to dress in swimsuit and walk around? Stop lying to yourselves!
Fark ... with a contestant like that, the Universe must be thinking ... wah lan neh, malaysian women like kena sai like that. Can't blame them you know. We were represented by one. Sighs ...
Sunday, June 17, 2007
What Rubbish!
WHAT THE????!!!
This was reported in the NST today …
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Sunday/Frontpage/20070617073824/Article/index_html
This was reported in the NST today …
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Sunday/Frontpage/20070617073824/Article/index_html
PAY AS YOU THROW
Just as in water, electricity and sewerage services, households that waste more will have to pay more.
Households will have to separate recyclable items from other waste.
Solid Waste Management Corporation to implement the proposed law.
Enforcement will be carried out by a new federal department.
source: freefoto.com photographer: ian britton
I can’t believe what I am reading. The idea may be noble and great. In fact, great idea! After all, we really need to protect our environment. But this? It worked in other countries but that doesn’t mean whatever that worked in other countries will work in Malaysia! And read the article … dumb farks are actually gonna pass the law first and then figure out a system???!!! Cool. This is just like shitting first then figuring out what to do with the shit.
And guess what? Its MALAYSIA BOLEH! Cos’ the moment they gonna start charging people on what they throw … rest assured you will find more rubbish in the Klang / Gombak river. Our longkang will be filled with rubbish. People will find ways and places to throw rubbish without having to pay. THAT’S WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN YOU STUPID DUMB FARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok ok … I should reserve my judgment and comments until some system comes out.
But what system? We have condos, houses, kampungs & squatters. We have rented premises. Oh … I forgot. They gotta buy bins, equipments … I wonder who is gonna earn big time now. New enforcement agency? HAH! That spells 2 things: MORE ABUSE OF POWER, MORE CORRUPTION.
GOOD LUCK!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Trivial Matter
I was very toxic with work ... working working working. Was gonna cough out blood soon as well when one of the lady staff walked in ...
Staff: Erm, can I take about 1 - 2 hours off?
Me: Huh? Why? Why ask me? Ask boss lah.
Staff: Boss not in. So ask you.
Me: Why?
Staff: See ... my shirt at the bottom here tore a bit. I want to go home and change.
Me: Eh ... small tear only what. Some more near the end of the shirt. Its ok wan lah. You sit down no one can see.
Staff: No-lah. This tear here can become bigger if not careful.
Me: Then you be careful-lah. Aiyo.
Staff: But if shirt tear some more and become bigger how?
Me: Aiyo ... you go and take cellophane tape and tape it lah. If not ... nah, here! Got stapler. You staple the lubang there ... so the lubang won't get bigger loh.
Staff: What? Where can? I want to go home and change.
Me: No need. Go home take 1-2 hours. Waste time. You don't have work to do meh?
Staff: Aiyo ... after man in office see how?
Me: Dei ... stop wasting my time. No man here want to see you. In fact, you should be happy that still got man want to see you ... means you still attractive mah. Understand?
She walked out sulking .... Tiu, I tell you, staff nowadays, all kinds of cock excuse.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Dumb
Sometimes when you want to ask for something ... at least lah ask correctly. My colleague put this on her MSN personal message:-
"Donate for charity: donate a VIAO to the GT Foundation"
So what's a VIAO? How you do pronounce that? Wee-Ow? Haha. Yeah lah, I know she meant the vaio. But at least know lah the correct spelling. Its like those knock-offs in CCK (Chee Cheong Kai) (Petaling Street).
Adidos = Adidas.
Reebak = Reebok
Viao = Vaio
Hmmm ... maybe she really did meant a Viao from CCK. I won't be surprised ... you can get any knock-offs in CCK.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Offensive
How can me blog be offensive? Damn tiu nia seng ... This is what Tibai Dave gets whenever he visits me blog. Tell me lah ... me blog got offensive meh? It says adult & nudity. Tiu .... where got nudity? I think his web administrator is damn "Tai Lan Ngong".
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