Blady Parkers!

Yup, I really mean it. Nope, it wasn't a typo. Its not blady farkers. I really do mean to say blady parkers. And nope. I am not cursing peter parker or anyone parker pens. My parkers are those puki mak kan ni na bu chao tibai parkers who park their cars. Especially the Malaysia Boleh ones. Wifey always asked me why I get agitated whenever I go to a shopping mall, especially in the afternoon or in the evening. My answer is simple ... those blady parkers pisses me off.

The Kiasu Type Parker

This type of kiasu parker are the ones who goes round and round (not the whole parking lot) but in front of the entrances. They must park as near as possible to the entrance. Especially if its at the first level. Cannot go B2 or B3. Must always be B1 and must always be as close as possible to the entrance or to the lift. If there is a parking lot right in front of the door, I am sure they will wait for it to be vacant. Can't understand this kind of pundek. They are willing to sit in the car and wait until its vacant or just go around until someone leaves. They have so much time to burn on their hands.

The Why da dark Must I pay for parking type of Parker

These are the kan ni nehs that parked outside by the road. Even if its illegal, they will still risk it. Why must I pay RM1.00 for parking when I can park outside for free. Wonder what they say when they receive the saman. Probably cursed and swear at the cops who ticketed him and then blames the government for corruption and mismanagement etc etc etc. Bitch bitch bitch and then he will swear that he will vote for the opposition party at the next election. And if his car gets stolen, he will also vote for the opposition party and blame the cops for being lazy. What you should do? If all these cars are causing traffic to slow down, suggest you drive by with your windows down, hold a coin and stick out your hand and just drive by. Try to get a straight line from one car to the other. Its not easy you know to draw straight line.

The Trickster type of Parker

Ah ... this wan .... the best way to describe these parkers are the kancil or kelisa owners. They park their cars sooooooo farking deep into the lot, you can't see the car's ass or the car. You drive into a parking area and see an "empty" slot. You tekan your gas to go there, put signal, turn your steering wheel just to see that there is a kancil or a kelisa inside. TIU NIA SENG!

The Janji Ada Lubang type of Parker

This wan .... also applies especially to the kancil or kelisa owners. Its not a parking lot. But there is space. They will definitely squeeze their blady cars inside. Janji ada lubang mah.

The "You Don't Know How to Drive" Type of Parker

Not the Parker don't know how to drive. But the other cars. This puki tiang parker will park his car in such a spot that other cars will have problems making turns or making maneuvers. What he doesn't know that it makes it difficult for people to move or to turn. This puki tiang parker is probably sitting somewhere watching you and commenting that you are some stupid farker who just passed your driving license and don't know how to drive properly.

The Masturbating Parker

I call them masturbating 'cos I really don't know what the fark they are doing inside the car. You are looking for a parking and you see them getting into their car. So you go, "Whoooopeee!!! I am so lucky today". Lucky my ass! You put your signal and wait. 5 minutes later, you still see movement inside the car but the car still has not reversed out. What da fark is he doing inside? Sometimes you even see that tibai fark making a phone call. He sees you and he continues talking. You wait. Best part is, there is a long queue of cars behind you as well. But you wait 'cos you "found" a parking. But the tibai fark takes ages to reverse out.

The other type of parker that is similar to this one is the I will take my time to load my stuff parker. You see this mah hai fella come out with a trolley full of groceries or shopping and loads it into his car with such care and skill like he was loading 1,000 eggs into the car. He even re-arranges what he has loaded. Sometimes, the tibai fark even re-arrange the contents of the plastic bag, moving some items from this bag to that bag and vice versa. You feel like getting out of your car and bash him with your steering lock, load him into the car and drive the car out and you drive your car inside.

The "I won't tell you where I park" type of parker

These are the ones you see walking out of a mall with their shopping bags and car keys in their hands. Very obvious they are leaving. Its either you tail them or you wait in the car with your signal lights on. Sometimes you gesture in your car and asks "where is your car? are you leaving?" Either these dumb farks ignore you OR they wave back and say no no. But then, their car was parked just behind you and as you leave to look for another car park ... they get in and drive off! Mah hai!

The Dumb and Deserved to be mowed down type of Parker

This kan ni neh is the one who sees you and ignores you. You see him carrying loads of stuff to load into his car. You put your signal, sighs a big sigh of relief and wait. He loads. He rearranges. He looks at you. You are just so relieved that you found a parking space. He continues loading. He continues rearranging. 5 minutes later he closes the boot. He presses the alarm. "chuit chuit" it goes. He looks and you and waves, "sorry I am not leaving" and walks back into the mall. Your reaction? AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! KAN NI NA BU CHAO TIBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You step out of your car, take your steering lock and throw it like a javelin at the driver. Then you drive away. Haha.

The Double Parker

Need I say more? These are the kan ni neh farks that double parks and walks into a shop 500m away and forgets that he has double parked. You go to your car and sees someone blocking you. You blast your horn. Honk honk HOOOOOOONKKKKK!!!! No one comes out. The better ones actually leave their phone numbers behind. The idiots ... they just don't come out. You feel like taking out your steering wheel lock and stand guard and wait until the mutha farker comes out and you will bash his brains out. Half an hour of honking later, you see him running out waving sorry sorry and you just sigh a big sigh of relief and cursing your own bad luck instead of bashing him with your lock. Some even better. You blast your honk for 10 minutes. The guy comes out of a shop 500m away. He takes his own sweet time to swagger over to his car. Another 5 minutes. He stops by the van that sells soya bean. Tah pau soya bean some more. Then swaggers over and waves sorry. He gets into his car and drives off. You are just so dumb farked that you feel like hitting yourself with the lock.

The Gangster Parker

You see someone leaving. You put your signal. You wait. When the car leaves, sometimes you try to reverse in. Even before you engage your gears, this farker drove right in and parked. You stare at him. He comes out of his car. Tattoo all over. Ciggy in mouth. He stares back. WHAT? He shouts. You just drive on quietly .... BUT ... you sneak back later and scratch his car with a coin. HAHAHA

The Cock-eye parker

This is the one that cannot park straight. Actually takes up 2 parking lots. Maybe he pays double the parking rate? I don't know. Sometimes you feel like scratching his car with a coin and say "PLEASE PARK STRAIGHT YOU COCK EYE MUTHA FARKER!"

The tibai motorcyles

These are the pundeks that park their motorcycles in a car park bay. One motorcycle. Parked right inside in the middle. You just come out and try to push his bike away .... its locked. You push push ... you get fed-up and decides to just push the bike over, kick the bike and then drive away.

Finally ... the What da fark type of Parker

That's me. I see all the above all the time and I just go .... WHAT DA FARK???!! Sighs .... Actually, there's more than the above type of parkers. I better get back to working now. I am sure you know what other type of parkers are out there.