Lembu's Response to Ah Beng's Email

My comments:-

Subject: Fw: Be extra extra careful!!

Guys and girls, please please be extra extra careful in this world cup season!! especially ladies!! Yesterday night, I was having a supper with a friend that working in xxxxxxxxxxxx.

A supper?? How many friggin suppers he wants to have lah?

A friend that working in???

What happened to that was working?

Oh ... I get it ... means the friend is still working ....

We had our supper at xxxxxxxxxxx in xxxxxxxxxxx, Puchong. we were sitting beside the road and there are a lot of crowd who watching World Cup also.

A lot of crowd? Cool ... So how many crowds were there? How much or how many people do your find in one crowd? I think its a math thing. One crowd = 10 human beings (animals not included). A lot of crowd means the crowd cannot be counted. Or say ... 10 crowd. 10 crowd x 10 human beings... we have 100 human beings!!!

She put her handbag on top of her tights.

Let me guess ... she was wearing leotards?

Suddenly, there was a big size guy with a little pony tail riding a Honda EX5 bike, grab her handbag just like that... Although she shouted, but we were shocked and paniced...

They were paniced ... or is it penised?

and he managed to run away ...

Wait wait... what happened to the Honda EX5 bike? I thought he was riding it? But now he ran away without it?

with a handbag, handphone, IC, licence, credit card, ATM card, RM650 cash as she just punched it out a few hours before we meet up... etc...

Cool. You can punch out RM650 cash. I can punch. Just tell me who or what I can punch to get that kind of money.

"Before we meet up ... etc..." I wonder what the "etc" meant... they met up and then etc ...??? Hmmmmmm....

To our surprise, when we reported to police station in Puchong about 11pm yesterday. There were 3 other kes ragut also happened just almost at the same time as ours... can you all imagine?

Erm... Nope. I can't imagine.

Only one of the police station and just within one hour, got 4 cases of snatch theft.

One of them was only a 14 years old kid, and 2 motorbike came from his front and one from his back.

4 guys rob his handphone, a little money and his IC as well.

Our economy is doomed!!!!! Our money is now little money!!!!

Another one, was a guy who dialing phone in public telephone booth also in Puchong. there were 4 guys also came to him with a pen knife on his neck.

Who dialing phone. Good ENGRISH THERE! What else do you dial in a phone booth but a phone???

The last one was a girl who also kena snatch by a guy with a bike.

Shit .... This reminds me of some western movies. They use horseys to snatch people. Now they use a bike to snatch a girl.

If you noticed a news happened two weeks ago, that a Toyota Avanza was stolen in Serdang, with the 2 years old kid behind the car, it actually happened in front of my gf house, and my gf sister help the aunty to chase the car, but her effort was in vain. The aunty actually park her car for a while to pick up something without locking, and the guy just went in to her Avanza and drove away. Luckily, he dropped the kid somewhere and put a notice there, asking passer by to return the kid to Serdang.

Firstly, there was only a news.

The kid was behind the car (what da fark was he doing behind the car? pissing??)

But somehow the guy managed to drop the kid somewhere (wasn't the kid behind the car???)

When I told my housemate in the night, my housemate also told me that on the same day, KTM station in Serdang, as my house is just 2 minutes from Serdang KTM station, there was a lady who knocked by a helmet, before a thief snatched her handbag.

BEWARE!!!! Helmets can now knock you.

The other housemate told me that his colleague just lost his Avanza also, inside his own condominium!

Dear everyone. Please buy the new Avanza. Its such a cool car. You can park it inside your own condominium. Small and compact! Best Buy!

And just three days ago, there was an ex-stewardess that was robbed and raped came out in newspaper, caught in CCTV in the parking lot.

Wait wait .. she was robbed and raped came out in newspaper, caught in CCTV in the parking lot?? What da fark? Man.... I hope this dumb fark is not a news reporter or a journalist.

As a lot of people losing in betting in this world cup season, and the numbers of un-employement also kept increasing... so, making a lot of people desperately in need of money.... and deeply desperate people can do wonders!!

Deep. Very Deep.

That's my 2 cents of sharing, hope you all pass the message to your family, friends and colleagues...

Yup. 2 cents alright. Little money.

Ah Beng Writes Email

I received a mass email today. You know .. one of those that was sent to everyone warning you of this and that ....

The following is the email I received ....

Subject: Fw: Be extra extra careful!!

Guys and girls, please please be extra extra careful in this world cup season!! especially ladies!! Yesterday night, I was having a supper with a friend that working in xxxxxxxxxxxx.

We had our supper at xxxxxxxxxxx in xxxxxxxxxxx, Puchong. we were sitting beside the road and there are a lot of crowd who watching World Cup also. She put her handbag on top of her tights. Suddenly, there was a big size guy with a little pony tail riding a Honda EX5 bike, grab her handbag just like that... Although she shouted, but we were shocked and paniced... and he managed to run away with a handbag, handphone, IC, licence, credit card, ATM card, RM650 cash as she just punched it out a few hours before we meet up... etc...

To our surprise, when we reported to police station in Puchong about 11pm yesterday. There were 3 other kes ragut also happened just almost at the same time as ours... can you all imagine? Only one of the police station and just within one hour, got 4 cases of snatch theft.

One of them was only a 14 years old kid, and 2 motorbike came from his front and one from his back. 4 guys rob his handphone, a little money and his IC as well. Another one, was a guy who dialing phone in public telephone booth also in Puchong. there were 4 guys also came to him with a pen knife on his neck.

The last one was a girl who also kena snatch by a guy with a bike.

If you noticed a news happened two weeks ago, that a Toyota Avanza was stolen in Serdang, with the 2 years old kid behind the car, it actually happened in front of my gf house, and my gf sister help the aunty to chase the car, but her effort was in vain. The aunty actually park her car for a while to pick up something without locking, and the guy just went in to her Avanza and drove away. Luckily, he dropped the kid somewhere and put a notice there, asking passer by to return the kid to Serdang.

When I told my housemate in the night, my housemate also told me that on the same day, KTM station in Serdang, as my house is just 2 minutes from Serdang KTM station, there was a lady who knocked by a helmet, before a thief snatched her handbag.

The other housemate told me that his colleague just lost his Avanza also, inside his own condominium! And just three days ago, there was an ex-stewardess that was robbed and raped came out in newspaper, caught in CCTV in the parking lot.

As a lot of people losing in betting in this world cup season, and the numbers of un-employement also kept increasing... so, making a lot of people desperately in need of money.... and deeply desperate people can do wonders!!

That's my 2 cents of sharing, hope you all pass the message to your family, friends and colleagues...

Wrong Number Again!!!

I believe our mobile telco service providers recycle the phone numbers. Ever since I switched service provider and chosed this number, I have received numerous phone calls asking for this Azman guy. I kept telling them its wrong number but I still get calls. Its farking irritating but I found out that it can be entertaining as well.

Last Saturday I was stuck in traffic. Alone in my car with lousy songs over the radio, I was bored shitless. My cell phone rang. I looked at it. Don't recognize the number. Who da fark is this ... I answered..

Me: Hello?

Guy: Assalamualaikum!!! Man!!

Me: Hello? Hello?

Guy: Hello? Hello? Azman!!! Hello?

Me: Hello? Hello? Hello? Heeeeeellllo?

Guy hangs up. And calls again!

Me: Hello?

Guy: Hello Azman!!

Me: Helo? Heeeeeeeelllllllo? Harlow? Hello?

Guy: Hello! Hello! Man!

Me: Helllllllluuuuuu? Hello? Harlow?

Guy hangs up. And called for the third time. And I gave him the same shit. All the time, holding back from laughing my balls off. Guy hangs up and my phone was silent. I was still suck in traffic and burst out laughing 'til tears were coming out. Haha. 2 minutes later ... I was bored again. I surfed radio stations. Nothing interesting. Sighs ... I looked at my phone and a lightbulb moment came to me. I grinned. I scrolled menu ... last received calls. I called the guy back. And again, I gave him the same shit ...

Me: Hello?

Guy: Hello Azman!

Me: Hello? Hello? Hello?

Guy hangs up.

Hahahahahahaha

6 Jun 06

666. With all the hype about 666 and the release of the remake of the classic movie, the Omen I can't resist but to tell this story. Well, to be honest, I can't remember if I have blogged about it but I have told this story many times. This is one of the few encounters I have had with them.

I was at this camp where one of the girls passed out and had to be carried out. This was at night and being one of the members of headquarters, I was entitled to special privileges of knowing what's going on. The girl was placed in the middle of a hut and all her friends sat around her in a circle. All of them wore erm... the white colored tudung and were just chanting prayers away, their bodies swaying left and right as they chant. That made the atmosphere freaking eery. Its dark with only lights from a fluourescent tube powered by a generator, chanting of prayers by a group of girls sitted in a circle swaying their bodies left and right as they chant and their friend passed out lying in the middle of the circle.

I stood by to watch and hearing those chants just made my hair stood up behind my neck. Just then, one of the chiefs called me and asked me to take my motorcycle and look for an old timer that lives near the campsite. Damn... each time we call Pakcik to come, it means trouble. I jumped onto my bike and rode to his house. He was home and after listening to what happened, he went back in, changed and rode pillion with me. As we rode back to campsite, he kept telling me all these young people nowadays have no respect for the spirits.

When Pakcik walked up to the circle of girls, he again asked them what happened. They told him that during dinner, for no reason, this girl went into a trance and then went hysterical... running and screaming before passing out. With that, Pakcik shook his head... went up to the girl and sat beside her. He asked for a glass of water. He recited some prayers over the glass of water and sprinkled some water over the girl and called out "Assalamualaikum!".

No response. I thought to myself... cool... what's gonna happen next? Pakcik recited prayers again and again sprinkled water over the girl and called out again, "Assalamualaikum!" Still no response. All kinds of imagination ran through my head, especially images from scenes from Exorcist. Haha. She might start to barf!! I took a few steps back in case I have to run. Heehee. Seeing that there was no response, Pakcik recited prayers again over the glass of water...

And for the third time, Pakcik sprinkled water over the girl. He called out again, "ASSALAMUALAIKUM!!" The girl's eyes opened. Bright Red in color. And with a deep voice of a man, she spoke ... "WALAIKUMSALAM..."

Whoa .... its either this girl has some serious vocal issues or that's really someone else talking through her. I then heard Pakcik asking him, who is he, where is he from and why is he "disturbing" the girl. Man oh man, was the spirit pissed. He complaint about trespass and disrespect. The girl sat up and the spirit looked around. All of us whom were spectators took more steps back. Pakcik then asked all of us to leave. There's some negotiating to be done. We left. The next morning we were told to buy a goat, chicken etc for Pakcik. He has work to do ...

Lembu Gila Strikes Again

Heh heh. Its been a long long time since I blogged. Yeah yeah, I bitched about it all the time. I don't have the time to blog because of work commitments and responsibilities. I am growing old and losing a lot of my sense of humour. Its has also been a while since I pulled a prank. But really, if my office, I don't think I can pull a prank or a joke. People here can be such a hypocrite ass. There is always a fine line between lame joke, good joke or between a childish prank or a good prank. I don't know the line. I don't give a fark. So long as it makes me laugh... what da heck.

These 2 incidents happened a long time ago.

Incident 1

I was at the mall when I saw my buddy's car parked there. During those days, I always have my swiss army knife with me. Took it out ... NO... I did not scratch his car. What da fark you think I am? I took out my trusty swiss army knife, pulled out the screwdriver and removed his front license plates. Haha. I drove to his house and hung his license plates on his front gate.

Pundek fella came out from mall with his chikky, drove home without realising his license plate has gone (who does anyway??!!). He drove up to his house gate, got out of the car and saw his license plate hanging on his gate. Haha... yeah... first farker he called was me. Asked me if I was the culprit.

Incident 2

Mikey and I were loitering near the old town market when we saw our friend's truck parked outside the old town market. This was in the middle of the night and wondered why was the truck parked there. We looked at each other and without saying a word, both of us had this big huge grin on our face. We had to do something. Again, my trusty swiss army knife was with me. We removed both the license plates and drove to our buddy's house. Tricky part is ... his truck is parked at old town market but joker was at home sleeping. We didn't care. We sneaked up to his gates and started to tie the license plates to his gate. His damn dogs were barking but we managed to talk dog to them. Shut da fark up. Haha. Next morning he woke up and when he wanted to leave the house, he saw these 2 license plates hanging on his gate. It took him a while to realise that those license plates belonged to his truck! Hahaha .. And yeah... first person he called was me ... darn.