Cibai Bin

I can't really remember how the topic of conversation started. But it revolved around looks. And since my colleagues were bitching about it, I kinda joined and said, hey, you know ... some of this faces are damn cibai bin. You know the type of face when you look at it, it just makes you angry and wanna bitch slap that face?

And they went, yah yah, those very "hak yan chang" (really hated) kinda face.

And this colleague of mine then said, yah, like when I first joined the company and I saw your (my) face, I thought to myself, damn "hak yan chang" face"

Hahahahahaha everyone laughed. Okay ... that's one against me.

Well, my friend, if my face is damn "hak yan chang" you can't be better off than me"

Why not? she asked.

You see, logically ... if you have a at least a pleasant looking face ... you would not have remained single until now ... which is what? 44 years old. That's really old to be still be single.

She stormed off. Everyone cussed me after that saying I was mean and insensitive and refused to joke with me after that. Look, all you tibais, if you can't take it, then don't give it. You get what you give. And instead, you wanna blame me. Farrrrrrk!

Cleo's Most Eligible Bachelor

My colleagues came into my room today, holding Cleo’s magazine, the one with the 50 most eligible bachelors and asked, hey … imagine you are one of the bachelors and you must answer these questions ….

Q: I’m truly inspired by …?

A: Adolf Hitler. He convinced 1 country to go against the whole farking world.

Q: A female ritual that totally mystifies me?

A: PMS or Shopping. Next question please …

Q: If your life were a movie, what would it be called?

A: Lifestyle of a Pornstar

Q: What do you wish woman knew about you?

A: My big dick and how I can satisfy them the whole night long…

Q: I know she’s special when …

A: she swallows …

Q: Have you ever been in love?

A:of course. You think I what? Loser meh? Tiu nia seng ….

My colleagues then told me that with answers like that, no girl is going to vote for me, if I ever make it into the 50 most eligible bachelor list lah.

My response? "Pei kat chat tiu lah lei" (translation: you go let cockcroach fark). Kan ni na ...

6769

Black recently changed his car and his number plate was 6769. Knowing Black, we thought he chose the damn numbers on purpose. For those of you in the dark, in cantonese, 67 means dick or cock. 69 also means dick or cock. Therefore, we actually thought Black chose the numbers as a sign of his "studliness". Over dinner at Black's house ...

Me: Fark, what kind of cock number is that?

Wor Siong: Hey, memang cock number wat ... 6769 hahahaha

Me: ey black, wat da fark ... u choose wan is it?

Black: farking NO!

Cicak: hahahaha ... don't tell me u so farking bad luck you kena dat number ...

Black: Nolah. I wanted some numbers. So I used a runner to go to JPJ (Road Transport Department) to get the numbers. Everytime I give him one number to get, that cibai will call back half an hour later and say don't have. And this farking thing went on for 2 days. Every farking number I gave him, he calls back and say don't have.

Me: Then? How you get 6769?

Black: Finally, the last number I gave him, again, he called back and said don't have. So he asked, how? I was so farking angry already I just said, Tiu! 6769 lah. Runner asked me you seriouskah? And I just said fark lah. Whatever lah.

Mah hai half an hour later he calls back, Sir, I got the number for you already. And I asked him what number? He said 6769 lah. TIU LOHHHHHHH................