Crispy Rat

This happened many years ago. I was walking by my brother and his friends when they showed me a rat trapped in a cage. It was one huge mutha farking rat and they asked me what to do with it. Get rid of it! I said. How?

Well, most people just throw them away in the rubbish dump. Either that, pour boiling hot water or poison that fella.

Pour boiling water?!!! You are such a sadist!

Fine, if you guys think I am a sadist, just throw that damn rat into a dumpster.

Five minutes later, I saw fire. I ran to the fire and saw my brother and friends forming a circle around the fire. This was what I saw.

The entire rat cage was on fire. Something was definitely burning inside. An empty bottle of petrol was lying nearby.

What da fark???!!!

Oh, we burnt the rat.

Oh, you mean you guys cremated him?

No. We just poured petrol on that fella and lighted him up.

????? And you farkers called me sadistic? Farrrrrrk!

Beer Ramblings

I was having beers with a couple of buddies of mine from uni and we were comfortably seated at the most strategic location of the pub. We get to see all the chicks walking in and out. While eyeing this couple of white babes walking in, one farker said, "you know guys, farking white chick is the best". That started a whole shit of debate. But our debate was very focused. Blowjobs. Fellatios. Going down.

For purposes of privacy and protection of certain individuals, names have been changed.

Farker: I am telling you, white babes gives the best blow jobs!

Me: And why is that?

Farker: I once had sex with this white girl. During foreplay, she gave me the best blow job I've ever had.

Wanker: Define best blow job!

Farker: She was not shy man! She took my cock and suck and licked. She loved it man. And her saliva, huh! She really wets your cock man.

Me: LOL!

Farker: Don't laugh. Other chicks like asian chicks, damn shy. Suck cock also suck for a little while. Fark. Sometimes, damn little saliva. This white chick, sucked and spit and drooled until my cock was so farking wet, it was dripping man. She was like a porn star!!!. I was so farking turned on! When I farked her, I penetrated easily. Damn nice feeling.

Wanker: Yeah, quite true. Some of this chicks don't know how to give a good blow. I mean, give lah good blow job. Shy shy don't know what the fark for. Then, their mouth no saliva. Farking don't know how to lubricate and give pleasure.

Me: LOL! You farkers should be lucky you're getting it. Some chicks won't even go down on you man.

Farker: Yeah. That's true also. As if my cock will choke them to death!

Me: Dei, don't you start on how big your dick is ok?

Farker: LOL!

Wanker: Yeah, some of this birds just won't go down on you. Some oral hygiene shit.

Me: Dei Pundek. Of course lah! You think you come back from work and your chick will just go down on your urine infested cock is it? At least go get a shower or something lah.

Wanker: But I wan't her to be there, waiting and pouncing on my cock when I get home.

Me: Shit! Don't get a pussy. Better get a lion or something. Pouncing on your cock! Tiu.

Farker: Yeah, then this white chick, not just sucked my cock. She really knows how to give a blow job. While sucking her hands are like wanking me, another finger was toying with my ass, then she also sucked my balls! It was farking fantastic man. And the blow job lasted like forever. Best foreplay.

Wanker: You lucky bastard.

Farker: And you know what's best?

Me: What?!

Farker: After farking and you have cummed, if the chick takes your cock and suck it again ... its damn good feeling ok!

Me: LOL! You're da man!

Farker: Not only that. That white babe that was giving me the blowjob, she wants me to cum into her mouth! Kept saying she wants me to cum inside her mouth. Wah lan. It was the best farking oral sex I've ever had.

Me: LOL! Now, cumming into mouth. That's a farking rare commodity.

Gotta stop here guys. More about fellatio and cumming into mouth in future blogs.

Scrotum Bag

Last Saturday I met up with Black and a couple of other buddies for a game of basketball. Black and I were the earliest to arrive on the court and both of us started warming up while waiting for someone with a basketball to turn up. Just as we were swearing, bitching and cursing about all the late farkers, Peter came walking across the field carrying a ball. When Peter threw the ball to us, Black caught it, looked at it and yelled, “Fark! Peter! Your ball is peeling!”

You see, Peter’s ball was a leather ball but over months of abuse in an outdoor court, it began to peel.

Black: You call this a ball? Fark! Its peeling all over!

Me: Fark. What are you complaining about? Better than standing on this court without a ball.

Peter: Yeah, stop complaining.

Just then, Black lifted a part of the leather which was peeling and felt the layer of the ball underneath the peeling leather, “Fark, this part here feels like my scrotum bag!”

Me: LOL!

Black: Really! Its like my scrotum bag after I shaved them.

Me: LOL! Hey! Throw the ball over. I want to know how your scrotum bag feels like.

Peter looking really disgusted said, "Why the hell you want to feel his scrotum bag for????!!!". Black threw the ball over and I lifted up the leather pieces that were peeling off and ran my finger on the inner layer …

Me: I’ll be damned. It really feels like a scrotum bag. LOL! Gives a whole new meaning to the word playing with our balls.

Black: LOL!

Peter: Hey! Cut it out. I don’t feel like touching that ball anymore.

We started warming up by bouncing the ball around and shooting hoops while waiting for the others to arrive. After a while, I noticed a piece of the leather on the court. Must’ve finally peeled off from all that bouncing and shooting. I picked it up and yelled, “Hey Peter! I think this is your fore skin!” Black couldn’t stop laughing.

Peter: Throw it away!!!

Me: what? You don’t want to keep your fore skin?

Black: What the fark you wanna keep your foreskin for?

Me: I don’t know. People keep their kidney stones and all sorts of other shit that doctors remove from them. Why not fore skin?

Black: LOL! Yeah yeah. Keep it in a bottle of formalin.

Me: Better yet. You know those dry kangaroo scrotum bags? Those that they made into key chains?

Black: LOL!

Peter: You two are very very sick individuals.