Pineapple Express

Imagine this, you lying down and your chick gives you a blowjob. You “accidentally” came into her mouth. Her reaction? She runs to the toilet, gags, chokes, spits, barfs, brushes teeth as if she is scrubbing longkang, gargles with listerine, then comes back into room with annoyed look on her face. Potong stim right?

The solution is … THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS!!!!

You, the guy, need to drink pineapple juice for breakfast, teabreak, lunch, teabreak, dinner and supper for 3 consecutive days. Don’t drink coffee or tea or other juices (except maybe cunt juice) during that 3 days. After that 3 days of pineapple juices and you cum, your cum will have a tinge of pineapple taste.

With that, she might like the taste and swallows. Hmmmm …. Nice. Very nice. Even if you give her a facial, she might use her finger to wipe it off, puts it into her mouth for that pineapple taste.

What about other juices? Don’t ask me. I was told that only pineapple works. Why? How da fark should I know?

By the way, I have not tried it before. LOL!!!! I am a coffee addict. Hey, if you guys read this and tried it and it works, do let me know!!!!

Monsters

I am a sucker for monster movies or horror/thriller movies like I know what you farking did last summer or final destination. Especially those B-grade types. Its not that I have a bad taste in movies but I just find these movies funny. They make me laugh. And because they make me laugh, it entertains me.

To make a monster movie:-

1. All the monsters are so friggin fake. From sharks to sotongs to crocodiles to jeepers creepers. They are all damn farking fake. I always have a laugh whenever the monster shows itself.

2. There is never enough blood and gore. I mean, each time someone gets stabbed, or slashed or eaten, where were all the blood and gore? How come there are no brains and guts spilling all over the place? They should be more realistic.

3. Ever notice that 99% of the victims are teenagers? Most of the teenage chicks in this flicks look damn horny and hot but most get eaten or killed together with the horny pricks in the movies. Always left behind, exactly one teenage boy and one chick who rides off to the sunset happily farking away cos the rest of their friends died. My conclusion, if you are horny and hot looking, you will die in a monster movie. And teenagers meat are the most tender and juiciest. That’s why they get eaten.

4. At the end of the movie, there’s always a short glimpse that the monster still lives somehow or somewhere, most times, thru’ a baby monster.

5. Other than the supernatural monsters, most monsters are a result of mutation. Even a cute hamster can be a monster, just add some a drop of toxic waste, a dash of nuclear waste, sprinkle some uranium and plutonium, shuv ‘em up the hamster’s ass and voila, you get a monster hamster running around stomping the shit out of all the human beings running aimlessly in downtown somewhere.

But it makes me laugh especially when the people die. Tickles me to watch the teenage pricks get bitten and eaten. Especially scenes when half of their body is in the jaws of a monster and they are screaming away. LOL. So funny. No wonder monster like to eat them that way. The meat tastes better when there’s adrenalin pumping. Final Destination is also a classic entertainment. When the bus rammed into the guy, I found it funny. Was in stitches at every scene.

Pussy Licking Good

I was out for a meeting the other day and anticipating a horrific jam, I left my office earlier. Mana tau, I arrived half an hour earlier and since I was early, I went to look for a mamak to have a cuppa char. I was driving around the neighborhood when I spotted a mamak restaurant. When I saw the signboard, I almost drove my car into a lamp post. Name of the place was Vargina. I can only think of vaginas when I saw that name. LOL. Laughing to myself, I tried to park my car. Believe me, it's not easy trying to park a car when you are laughing like that.

What am I laughing about? Its just a name right? Wrong! I mean, come on! Think about it. A restaurant called The Vagina. My mind was already imagining the menu. LOL.

I bet its a place for the best juice shakes in town. Cunt Juice. Cunt Juice Ais. Cunt Juice Tarik. Cunt Juice Kurang Masam. Ice blended Cunt Juice with whip cream. When I told my best buddy about it, he came up with the famous tag line, "Pussy Licking Good".

Better still, these juices won't be served in a mug. You drink straight from the source!