The Cleaning Aunty

I went to this high rise building for a meeting. About 23 floors altogether. My meeting was at the 22nd floor.

After the meeting, I walked briskly to the elevator lobby. Pressed the "down" button and waited. The elevator came and I stepped in.

In the elevator, I saw this aunty, probably in her late 50s, wearing thick bi-focals, holding a piece of cloth and a bottle of cleaning liquid. She was standing near the control panel and stood aside for me to press the "Ground Floor" button. At the same time, she was just staring cock at my bruised eye with a plaster underneath it. Probably thinks I am some tibai samseng who went to the 22nd floor to collect debts.

After pressing the "Ground Floor" button, I stood back and just stared at the LED panel ... 22, 21, 20 ... THEN, our aunty there, sprayed some cleaning liquid onto the control panel and started wiping the damn panel with her cloth!!!

Tibais ... I thought to myself, she better don't wipe wipe and touch the buttons. True enough, aunty just sprayed and wiped the damn panel and all the friggin buttons lit up. Damn elevator started to stop at every floor.

And to top it off, aunty can look out of the elevator each time it stops and gave that annoyed sigh as to why the fark people stopping the elevator at every floor and there is no one there. And each time the elevator door closes, she spray some more the cleaning liquid ont he panel and wiped some more. AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

Then another more terrifying thought came into my head. What the fark if the damn cleaning liquid she keeps spraying onto the control panel short circuits the damn elevator ....? AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

X'mas Present From My Macha

This will definitely be a x'mas gift or present that I will remember. Heh Heh. Got a picture of it right here ...

My macha and I were having the usual round of basketball game ... yes, on x'mas day (well ... basketball is a religion) and well ... this kind of shit happens during a game. His elbow got into my way or maybe my face got into his elbow's way ... end result, my face lost. Hee hee.

I still don't see what the fuss was all about, my team mates insisted on me going to a clinic. I tried to tell them don't worry ... I will drive to a clinic (thinking that I will just drive to nearest 7-11 and get a plaster) but damn machas know me too well ... they all dragged me to a clinic.

Outside the clinic, we were busy betting on how many stitches the doc will give me, 2 or 3 or none at all. Heh heh ... well, my eye is all poofy and black and blue right now ... Merry X'Mas you all!

Twilight

Puki-mon

Puki-mon. This is where you kena fark or puki-ed by a monster. Hence, puki-mon.

Last night I was asked to go and buy a gameboy for my nephew. Fine ... how difficult can it be? I was told that the damn thing costs RM48 in Sg Wang. Ok ... I am in no frigging xmas mood to drive to Sg Wang to pick up a gameboy. Will go somewhere dodgy to pick it up. Same shit right?

Stall No. 1

Me: Boss, boss, this gameboy how much?

Salesgirl: Oh Mister, this wan is RM50, 32mb game. This wan leh is RM98. 258mb game. What you wan?

Me: Errr ... u got dis pokemon game ah?

Salesgirl: Got so manyyyyy ... which wan you wan har? Got red, blue, diamond, gold, emerald ...

Me: ok ok stop stop. I call. wait ah ...

Me: Ahhhhh... miss ah, the red wan. How much?

Salesgirl: RM98

Me: Wah lau eh. Sg Wang buey si chap goh leh .. (translation: Sg Wang sell RM45 leh)

Salesgirl: Ah Cheh (Uncle) .... boh koh leng eh (translation: Impossible)

Me: Really lah. RM45.

Salesgirl: Ey, you go buy RM45, show me receipt, I give you this game free.

Me: Errr ... its oklah. I go back Sg Wang.

Stall No. 2

I thought to myself, maybe damn bitch was trying to con me ... better try another stall...

Me: Boss boss, this red pokemon how much?

Boss: RM80

Me: Wah lau eh, Sg Wang only RM45

Boss: You go there buy RM45, sell to me RM60, I sell to other people RM90. Both of us make profit.

Me: speechless ....

Moral of the story: Farking sales people nowadays all damn friggin sarcastic. Tibai dogs...

Home Cooked Food

Home Cooked Food. Delicious. Clean. Healthy. Less Oily. Less Salty. Less MSG. Mum's cooking. The best. Best of the best. As long its mum's cooking. Agree?

99.99% yes. There is still that miserable 0.01%. And what's that?

I had home cooked food on Sunday. Yummy. Delicious. I was away in Hongkong for a week. Damn "phai kuat" minced in "tauchu" never taste that good before that night.

Monday afternoon .... my stomach rumbled. Monday evening, I was pissing through my ass. And I continued pissing through my ass the entire Monday night and the whole of Tuesday. Farks. You lie down ... you wake up, you sit on your throne and start pissing shit out through your ass. Oh yeah... it stinks as well.

You finish pissing shit out of your ass .. you don't use toilet paper anymore (this is speaking from experience). You hose that dirty shitty ass of yours down. You know why? 'Cos there's more shit on the way. You wash your ass ... you dry it and you go back to bed. 15 minutes ... you get up again. You repeat it all over again. If you use toilet paper ... trust me, your ass will be so bruised as if you got sodomised by a dildo wrapped with sand paper.

Tibai doctor also quite useless. Oh, you have mild food poisoning. Farks... if that's mild, I wonder what the fark is severe food poisoning then? Tibai fark.

Taking his medications wont help. One pill says "wind". After taking that ... an hour later, I felt gas building up. I thought ... ohhhhhhhh... this is gonna feel so good. Farting out all this gas. WRONG!!!!!!!!!! I waited and waited 'til the gas built up and I let it rip. Yeah ... it ripped alright. Along with all the liquified shit in my bowels. To summarize ... I didn't even bother washing my undies anymore. Just threw them away. Hope some paria dog will rip open the plastic bag when I throw it out and sniff and munch on it. Hahahahahahahaha ...

HKG