Ever felt like you really want to farking kill someone. Mutate the mutha farker. If he is a guy, yank out his balls and squish them with your shoes? Basically, something which frustrates you so farking much you just want to kill that mutha farking bastard.
In my case, the bitch. Ok, maybe I've gone too far to call her a bitch. A sloth. Yeah, a sloth. You see, when I was in Kuching, my client provided transportation for us. We had to get somewhere which is about 45 minutes drive from the hotel. There were 4 cars altogether and I was allocated to sit in this car driven by a species from the female kind.
To be nice, I'll say this lady is a careful driver. To be mean, this bitch / sloth is a farking slow driver. Mah hai. Sitting in the back as a passenger was a real pain. I felt like farking reaching out and strangling her and dump her by the side of the road. She was so friggin slow that even on a long stretch of straight road with no farking traffic at all, she was only doing 50! 50 i tell you. Mah hai. I was getting so farking restless at the back of the car.
There was a inlet and a bus was approaching which by any normal speed, she would have gotten in front of the bus. But NOOOOOOOOO ..... this sloth has to press her brakes (yes, she stepped on her brakes even when the car was going at 50) and let the friggin bus come out in front of her. TIU!!!!!!!!
Next thing I know, she was tailing behind the bus. Sorry. Tailing seems to imply she was tail gating. She was farking following the bus about 50m behind the friggin bus. After about 10 minutes of following behind the bus (mind you, it was a farking straight and long stretch of road) she realised she was going to slow. I was watching her speedometer and at one point, she was going constant at 40. Fark! All of a sudden, it hit me. This bitch must be half blind. Or her contact lenses must've dropped out and she can't farking see the roads. Maybe that's why she was driving so friggin slow.
Realising we are going to be late, I told her that we are running late already. She said oh, don't worry. In Kuching, there is no traffic. Fark. At the speed she goes, even turtles with balls draggin on the roads will be faster than her. By the way, turtles have balls? Nevermind. I was just trying to tell you guys how agonizingly slow this bitch was.
Finally, she decided to overtake the bus. Man oh man. This is definitely a woman driving. No farking balls. There was no farking traffic from the opposite direction for more than a 100m but she just peeped out and looked and moved back again behind the bus. What the fark is she doing? Playing hide and seek ah? Kan ni na.
Then next thing we know, this gila kancil overtook us. Speeding past us and the bus. Then this earth moving lorry overtook us. Cibai. The worse was when this old daihatsu overtook us. Farking car could've been in a muzium but was overtaking us and the bus. Gawd, it was agony for me to be sitting at the back watching this sloth drive. When she finally decided to overtake, I thought I was going to die 'cos she was overtaking at the speed of 50. Tiu Loh. One timber lorry comes from the other direction, I would no longer be lembu but probably beef burger meat.
In the end, instead of 45 minutes, it took us 1 hour and 15 minutes to arrive. The other cars all arrived within 35 - 40 minutes. The other fellas thought we got lost. Or they thought we stopped by somewhere to shag that sloth. Fark! I can't imagine that sloth shagging. She might even be moving in slow mo during sex. Tiu.
In my case, the bitch. Ok, maybe I've gone too far to call her a bitch. A sloth. Yeah, a sloth. You see, when I was in Kuching, my client provided transportation for us. We had to get somewhere which is about 45 minutes drive from the hotel. There were 4 cars altogether and I was allocated to sit in this car driven by a species from the female kind.
To be nice, I'll say this lady is a careful driver. To be mean, this bitch / sloth is a farking slow driver. Mah hai. Sitting in the back as a passenger was a real pain. I felt like farking reaching out and strangling her and dump her by the side of the road. She was so friggin slow that even on a long stretch of straight road with no farking traffic at all, she was only doing 50! 50 i tell you. Mah hai. I was getting so farking restless at the back of the car.
There was a inlet and a bus was approaching which by any normal speed, she would have gotten in front of the bus. But NOOOOOOOOO ..... this sloth has to press her brakes (yes, she stepped on her brakes even when the car was going at 50) and let the friggin bus come out in front of her. TIU!!!!!!!!
Next thing I know, she was tailing behind the bus. Sorry. Tailing seems to imply she was tail gating. She was farking following the bus about 50m behind the friggin bus. After about 10 minutes of following behind the bus (mind you, it was a farking straight and long stretch of road) she realised she was going to slow. I was watching her speedometer and at one point, she was going constant at 40. Fark! All of a sudden, it hit me. This bitch must be half blind. Or her contact lenses must've dropped out and she can't farking see the roads. Maybe that's why she was driving so friggin slow.
Realising we are going to be late, I told her that we are running late already. She said oh, don't worry. In Kuching, there is no traffic. Fark. At the speed she goes, even turtles with balls draggin on the roads will be faster than her. By the way, turtles have balls? Nevermind. I was just trying to tell you guys how agonizingly slow this bitch was.
Finally, she decided to overtake the bus. Man oh man. This is definitely a woman driving. No farking balls. There was no farking traffic from the opposite direction for more than a 100m but she just peeped out and looked and moved back again behind the bus. What the fark is she doing? Playing hide and seek ah? Kan ni na.
Then next thing we know, this gila kancil overtook us. Speeding past us and the bus. Then this earth moving lorry overtook us. Cibai. The worse was when this old daihatsu overtook us. Farking car could've been in a muzium but was overtaking us and the bus. Gawd, it was agony for me to be sitting at the back watching this sloth drive. When she finally decided to overtake, I thought I was going to die 'cos she was overtaking at the speed of 50. Tiu Loh. One timber lorry comes from the other direction, I would no longer be lembu but probably beef burger meat.
In the end, instead of 45 minutes, it took us 1 hour and 15 minutes to arrive. The other cars all arrived within 35 - 40 minutes. The other fellas thought we got lost. Or they thought we stopped by somewhere to shag that sloth. Fark! I can't imagine that sloth shagging. She might even be moving in slow mo during sex. Tiu.
1 comment:
Mebbe she had one eye on the road and the other eye slowly undressing you so that's why cannot drive so fast leh ... Of cors drive slowly to max out the undressing time. Hehe ... Did you check if the driver's seat was wet after that? Mebbe you should have provided some encouragment to drive faster like shoving your fist up her ass. Shoyuken ala Ryu! ROTFL
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