RSVP

A friend's wedding is coming up soon and was just complaining to me that his guests don't respond to the invitation. Frankly speaking, I am getting so farking sick of it. I've helped out in all my friend's weddings and yes, the first farking problem that stresses the couple out is the wedding invitation and the cibai guests that don't farking respond.

The term R.S.V.P. comes from the French expression "répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please farking respond". If R.S.V.P. is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming. It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation. Why can't these cibais understand that?

We have to make sure there is enough food. We have to also make sure of the seating arrangements. Mah hai, put them sit with a group of people they don't like, their farking face like cock like that. Food not enough, face also like cock. Especially the farking relatives. They have this cocked up attitude that besides inviting them, you have to farking personally ask them again whether they are coming or not. As if they are some farking important guests. When you talk to them, you feel like you wanna bitch slap them. And if your own friends do that to you, fark them. Lace their food with rat poison or something. I mean, how farking difficult is it to rsvp?

And some dumb farks don't understand invitation cards. When we say cordially invite Mr & Mrs Lan Chiao, we meant what we said. Mr & Mrs Lan Chiao ONLY!!!!. Mah hai, that Mr & Mrs Lan Chiao not only did not rsvp, but bring all their small lan chiaos, big lan chiaos, medium lan chiaos to take up space at the table. That will cause a chain effect on the seating arrangements. Once I had to help another friend to settle seating arrangements by reorganizing a couple more tables because of those additional little lan chiaos that they bring. When you ask them to reconfirm their seating arrangements or their rsvp or just checking with them whether they are seated at the right table, they give you this stupefied look.

And to farking add salt to the wound, Mr & Mrs Lan Chiao will only pay RM50 angpow. Cibai! Tiu nia seng! Kan ni na! 5 of them. Only RM50 angpow. Fark! For those farking ignorant or stoopid bastards, it works this way, we estimate how much a table would cost, divide by ten, that's approximately how much ang pow we should be giving per person. So if you decide to bring your little lan chiaos along, multiply by the number of little lan chiaos your brought. Of course I have also bitched why the fark I should be paying you for the dinner when you farking invite me but then again, if I don't want to pay, just farking don't go and NOT HAVE ANY FARKING FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE!

Not only that, Mr & Mrs Lan Chiao won't control the small lan chiaos that they brought. The little lan chiaos will be running all over the farking banquet hall playing tag or hide and seek or harrassing Mr & Mrs Cibai's little cibais. Inevitably, some little lan chiao will break a glass or two or run into a waitress serving boiling hot shark fin's soup. If I'm the waitress, I will just spill the farking soup all over the little lan chiao. Serves him right for running around without a leash.

Can we while seated outside the hall before the reception starts, screen through every guest? Sir, no RSVP? Just go farking sit in the last table in the dark corner where they'll serve you Ngau Lan Tan Chee Hai (means cow's dick boiled with pig's cunt). Oh, by the way, how much is your ang pow? RM50? Fark! Please leave your angpow here. Go sit outside and pi main jauh-jauh (means go play far far away).