Perfume

Almost every farker in Malaysia has a car perfume in his car. Ok, ok. Its also called the air freshener. I don't care what the fark its called. Its one of those farking things you put in your car that makes your car smell good. Ok?

It could be any brand. Any type. The liquid type of perfume or the gel type or the chicks will usually have their potpourri on the dashboard of their car. Most of this perfumes will be stuck to the vent of your car's a/c. Comes in all shapes and sizes too. Even in the shape of a helicopter or an airplane.

I have one of those which is in liquid form stuck to my car's a/c vent. I was on my way to a basketball game the other day, speeding, swerving and weaving in and out of traffic. No thanks to typical Malaysian roads, I hit a pot hole and my perfume dispenser did a kamikaze and commited suicide from the vent. I don't know where it went. Busy speeding away, I just assumed its on the floor of the car somewhere and didn't bother about it.

I got to a traffic light and I started feeling around the floor of my car for it. Found it! Took it up and next thing I know, farking thing leaked all over my hands and shorts!. Mah hai! And the light turned green. Fark! Continued driving and trying to solve the farking car perfume shit in my hands. Jammed the damn dispenser back onto the vent and started wiping my hands on my shorts and shirt. Fark Fark Fark. Man, I smell really bad. I was choking in my car. Felt like I was in a gas chamber and I was sentenced to be gassed to death. Wound down the window and continued driving.

When I got to the basketball court, I rushed out of my car grabbing my shoes and ran to the court.

Bigman: Oi Chinaman! Next time come later-lah!

Me: Sorry. Sorry.

Old Cock: what the fark is that smell?

Me: ? (thought to myself, oh shit ...)

Bigman, Old Cock and Neckless came sniffing.

Old Cock: Fark!

Me: Farking car perfume spilled lah! Tibai!

Bigman: You smell like a cheap prostitute!

Me: Puki tiang lan chiao!

Old Cock: Either that, he's been fucking a cheap prostitute. ha ha ha

Me: Fark! Don't you farking spread this kind of rumours. Bastards!

Neckless: Maybe he purposely spilled the perfume over himself to cover up something? Maybe that's why he's late?

Me: come here, let me rub some of this shit on you!

Bigman: Guarding this cacat would be easy today. Can smell him a mile away.

Me: Tibai ....

You guys ever seen the perfume advertisements on tv? Ever noticed how that moronic ugly looking bird will just spray perfume all over her as if she is spraying a can of insecticide? Fark. One word of advice ladies, you are not supposed to farking spray the perfume on yourself as if you are a bug committing suicide.