Surgery

Many many moons ago, I underwent a knee surgery in an attempt to reconstruct my anterior cruciate ligament. It was my left knee. Twas torn as a result of basketball, hiking and climbing. But the real cause was attributed to stubborness. And refusing to take good care of the knees.

I remember taking a cab to hospital. Registering myself. Went up to the ward alone. Found my bed, sat down, opened up my newspapers and books to read. Nurses continue to come in and take temperatures, records etc etc. None of the nurses were hot looking. Just the typical old fierce looking nurses who'll snap at you everytime you open your mouth to say something.They look like witches you see in horror movies only fatter and the thermometer they were holding in their hands looks like mini wands. I bet you all the medication came from a cauldron.

Night came and I was asked to fast. Couldn't sleep that night. Not because I was afraid, but damn friggin nurses kept waking me up to take temperatures, records etc etc. Tibai. Next morning, I was asked to change into this one piece gown thingy that looks more like a huge bib. Then I was asked to remove everything. Tibai. Farking cold. End of gown was like farking centimetres away from my balls. Could feel my balls being aired. Don't understand how some birds can wear micro-minis. I told the nurses I would walk to the operating theatre but they insisted I must be wheeled in on the bed. I climbed onto the bed forgetting I was wearing that farking bib. A nice gust of wind came and my balls and dick got colder. Damn old witches must have had a good view. I looked at them. Thank goodness they weren't smacking their lips in lust.

In the operating theatre, one nurse just propped up my legs by bending my knees. "Encik, saya akan cukur you punya lutut" (means Sir, I am going to shave your knee) Whatever. She must be having a good view of everything. Damn. And she don't have to pay. "Nurse, boleh lukis garisan kat lutut supaya doktor tak potong salah?" I asked (means nurse, can you draw dotted lines on my knee so doctor knows where to cut?).

It was kind of a nice sensation to be shaved. Was beginning to have imaginations of a hot bird shaving my crotch and suddenly realised I could be popping a boner. Damn. Better stop. Doctor came. Surgery was timed to last 4 hours max. First I got to watch doc go in and trim my meniscus. Then doc told me he has to do open surgery and I don't get to watch anymore. Damn. Gave me some shit and I was feeling drowsy. I don't feel any pain, but could feel him slicing my knee open. Could feel the movements. Next thing I know, I hear knocking and drilling. Thought to myself, farkers are doing what? surgery or carpentry? They gave me some pills so that I'll really pass out. Damn.

When I woke up, I was being wheeled out of the operating theatre. When I reached my room, my parents were there. They brought food. Asked them what time is it. 1700 hours. Fark. They took like 6 hours or more. Feeling really thirsty, I drank some water. Next thing I know, I barfed. Later a nurse told me I wasn't suppose to drink or eat anything that fast after surgery. Fark. Why no one told me?

That night I was in pain. Dreamt that I was hiking, climbing and running again. Felt my leg jerked and woke up. That night itself, I was given 3 jabs of morphine. My bed sheet was bloody. Damn. Thought I peed in my sleep. But it was blood from my surgery wound. The next night, my friends came to visit. As usual, Keling Zhai aka Black provided me with entertainment.

Black: eh, what book you reading? fark! stephen king. cibai. not scary enough ah hospital? i brought you some things to read. (hands me plastic bag)

I looked inside. "What the fark?! hahaha" It was FHM but in between there were playboy, penthouse and hustler.

Me: thanks bro. but how da fark you want me to read those? farking hard on how?

Black: eh, you can tah-fei-kei or not? (literally means "hit airplane", a cantonese slang for wanking)

Me: cibai, my knee got operated lar. not my dick.

Black: haha. eh, if cannot and you have a hard on, ask the nurse lar

Me: fark. you blind or what? have you seen the nurses here or not? farking inject steroids into my dick oso won't get a hard on.

Black: eh, you can have sex or not after dis? i mean those kamasutra positions all how?

Me: farker. why don't you bend over and i show you how with my crutches.

Black: haha. eh, really no chun nurse ah? if got, ask her to fark you lar. Damn nice ok. you lying down no need to do anything. she on top of you. if not, ask her give blowjob lar. at least tah-fei-kei for you. can release some tension mah.

Me: tibai. you walk out now and find one for me.

Black walked out of the ward. He came back 5 minutes later.

Black: Fark man. You are right lah. Look at magazine and wank yourself better. Next time can choose better hospital or not?

My surgery was a failure. Damn ligament wasn't there 6 months later after a MRI scan was done. Until now, I am still in pain, limping around without a ligament. And this has also affected my right knee causing the wear and tear process to have accelerated. Damn!