I know this has been a while. Not too sure whether memory still serves me well. Its gonna be hard to continue blogging about my Cebu adventures. Z and B reminded me to continue with the blogs and no embellishments. Heh heh, we'll see ... I will try not to put in too many details.
Continuation ... waking up the next morning was hell. I got up around 0700 hours and woke Iceman up too. He was groggy as hell. I called Wor Siong's room and when he picked up the phone, I yelled, "Tanduay!!!!!!" Needless to say, Wor Siong's reply was extremely "polite".
Iceman, Wor Siong and I got down for breakfast around 0830. During breakfast, we began to wonder what happened to the Americans. I called them and they said they were coming down. At 0900, we could see Ren and Stimpy. Man, Ren looked very sick. He walked in and stood by the assortment of food. I walked over to him and asked him, "hey, how are you?" And Ren went, "man ... all this food ... I feel sick". "Hey, you gotta hurry along... tour's leaving in half an hour's time"
The tour consist of us Malaysians, the Americans, z's family and the couple from Shenzhen. Our van comprised of us Malaysians and the Americans. Basically, the party animals. Tour Guide's a friend of B's family. I requested we make a pit stop for water and to change money. We stopped by a gas station to get the water and some snacks. Us Malaysians got a large bottle of water to be shared and we got another 6 cans of cold beer. From the gas station, we stopped by a mall to change money and while waiting for those who needed to change money, we got out of the van and opened our beers and drank away.
Iceman: "hey look, Stimpy is still in the van. He doesn't look so good man ..."
Me: "yeah, maybe we should offer him a drink?"
Iceman walked to Stimpy, "dude, you better drink this" Iceman offered him a can of beer. Stimpy looked at all of us, "fark ... get it away from me man, I'm gonna barf"
Me: "no, seriously, drink it. It helps with the hangover" "yeah, yeah" chorused Iceman and Wor Siong.
Stimpy: "you farkers are nuts ..."
As we were talking, Z's family members got out of their van to stretch their legs and when PR saw us drinking, he smiled and shook his head ...
The morning tour was quite uneventful. We went to see the Cross of Magellan and an old Church (sorry guys, can't remember the name of the Church), and an old fort. Both Ren and Stimpy were not at their peak. Stimpy looked sick most of the time. Whenever we stopped, we could see him bending over, hands on this slightly bended knee and we were half expecting him to barf anytime. The walkabout in the old fort didn't help either.
When we were almost done at the old fort, a bird crapped on Ren. He felt something warm hitting him on the arm and it was a bird's poo poo. Ha! ha! The crap missed Iceman and Wor Siong by a few seconds and once we knew it hit Stimpy, the 3 of us, Iceman, Wor Siong and me went round singing Outkast's Roses, "Caroline ... roses that smell like poo poo ..."
After the fort, we were supposed to visit B's mum at her office but a fire nearby caused a massive traffic congestion. Our van driver decided to make a 3-point turn on a two-way street! Cibai. Farker just turned farking van was practically horizontally in the middle of both lanes! And this was done during traffic congestion. Do this sort of thing in KL and I guarantee you some road bully farker will ripe your balls off and shuv 'em up your exhaust pipes.
We stopped by a eat all you can place for lunch. It served nice local lunch and Ren was so happy at the signboard that said eat all you can. After three servings, he was telling us he was still feeling kinda full from breakfast and could not eat a lot. And yet, he took three servings. Then he called a time out 'cos he needed to take a dump. I asked him, "why? you need to make space for more food?" Just then, Stimpy told us about Ren's wishy washy incident in the Philippines. Once Ren went to take a dump at a public toilet and there was no paper available. He walked out of the cubicle naked and had to wash his ass over the sink! Ha! ha! ha! How da fark the sink took his weight, I don't know 'cos Stimpy was showing us how Ren had to climb over and did the "wishy washy" and at the same time, was so farking afraid of someone walking in on him.
When Ren came back to the table, we all yelled "wishy-washy" and he turned red. I asked him how was the toilet and he said, you go see for yourself. I went to take a pee and farrrrrk ... I went into the cubicle and the farking cubicle was so damn farking small. I was standing there taking a pee and my shoulders were already touching the walls of the cubicle. How da hell did Ren fit in this cubicle? I went out of the toilet and Ren was already eating more food ... "Ren, how da fark you fit into the cubicle?" Ren laughed, "ha ha. I went in there, realised no way I can fit in, so I went and checked out the toilet for the handicapped. It was a large spacious room ..." Smart, real smart.
Continuation ... waking up the next morning was hell. I got up around 0700 hours and woke Iceman up too. He was groggy as hell. I called Wor Siong's room and when he picked up the phone, I yelled, "Tanduay!!!!!!" Needless to say, Wor Siong's reply was extremely "polite".
Iceman, Wor Siong and I got down for breakfast around 0830. During breakfast, we began to wonder what happened to the Americans. I called them and they said they were coming down. At 0900, we could see Ren and Stimpy. Man, Ren looked very sick. He walked in and stood by the assortment of food. I walked over to him and asked him, "hey, how are you?" And Ren went, "man ... all this food ... I feel sick". "Hey, you gotta hurry along... tour's leaving in half an hour's time"
The tour consist of us Malaysians, the Americans, z's family and the couple from Shenzhen. Our van comprised of us Malaysians and the Americans. Basically, the party animals. Tour Guide's a friend of B's family. I requested we make a pit stop for water and to change money. We stopped by a gas station to get the water and some snacks. Us Malaysians got a large bottle of water to be shared and we got another 6 cans of cold beer. From the gas station, we stopped by a mall to change money and while waiting for those who needed to change money, we got out of the van and opened our beers and drank away.
Iceman: "hey look, Stimpy is still in the van. He doesn't look so good man ..."
Me: "yeah, maybe we should offer him a drink?"
Iceman walked to Stimpy, "dude, you better drink this" Iceman offered him a can of beer. Stimpy looked at all of us, "fark ... get it away from me man, I'm gonna barf"
Me: "no, seriously, drink it. It helps with the hangover" "yeah, yeah" chorused Iceman and Wor Siong.
Stimpy: "you farkers are nuts ..."
As we were talking, Z's family members got out of their van to stretch their legs and when PR saw us drinking, he smiled and shook his head ...
The morning tour was quite uneventful. We went to see the Cross of Magellan and an old Church (sorry guys, can't remember the name of the Church), and an old fort. Both Ren and Stimpy were not at their peak. Stimpy looked sick most of the time. Whenever we stopped, we could see him bending over, hands on this slightly bended knee and we were half expecting him to barf anytime. The walkabout in the old fort didn't help either.
When we were almost done at the old fort, a bird crapped on Ren. He felt something warm hitting him on the arm and it was a bird's poo poo. Ha! ha! The crap missed Iceman and Wor Siong by a few seconds and once we knew it hit Stimpy, the 3 of us, Iceman, Wor Siong and me went round singing Outkast's Roses, "Caroline ... roses that smell like poo poo ..."
After the fort, we were supposed to visit B's mum at her office but a fire nearby caused a massive traffic congestion. Our van driver decided to make a 3-point turn on a two-way street! Cibai. Farker just turned farking van was practically horizontally in the middle of both lanes! And this was done during traffic congestion. Do this sort of thing in KL and I guarantee you some road bully farker will ripe your balls off and shuv 'em up your exhaust pipes.
We stopped by a eat all you can place for lunch. It served nice local lunch and Ren was so happy at the signboard that said eat all you can. After three servings, he was telling us he was still feeling kinda full from breakfast and could not eat a lot. And yet, he took three servings. Then he called a time out 'cos he needed to take a dump. I asked him, "why? you need to make space for more food?" Just then, Stimpy told us about Ren's wishy washy incident in the Philippines. Once Ren went to take a dump at a public toilet and there was no paper available. He walked out of the cubicle naked and had to wash his ass over the sink! Ha! ha! ha! How da fark the sink took his weight, I don't know 'cos Stimpy was showing us how Ren had to climb over and did the "wishy washy" and at the same time, was so farking afraid of someone walking in on him.
When Ren came back to the table, we all yelled "wishy-washy" and he turned red. I asked him how was the toilet and he said, you go see for yourself. I went to take a pee and farrrrrk ... I went into the cubicle and the farking cubicle was so damn farking small. I was standing there taking a pee and my shoulders were already touching the walls of the cubicle. How da hell did Ren fit in this cubicle? I went out of the toilet and Ren was already eating more food ... "Ren, how da fark you fit into the cubicle?" Ren laughed, "ha ha. I went in there, realised no way I can fit in, so I went and checked out the toilet for the handicapped. It was a large spacious room ..." Smart, real smart.
After lunch, tour guide told us that we would be going to visit a guitar factory. “What about beach?” I asked. “Oh, don’t worry. After the guitar factory we would go the beach. Its very near from the factory”, tour guide said. “What’s with the guitar thingy?” I asked. “Oh, Cebu is famous for making guitars” Wow, I thought to myself. Only guitars I know are Fenders, Yamaha and Kapok.
After driving for more than an hour, we still have not reach the factory and we were worried about our beach trip more than the damn guitars. We asked tour guide how long more and we were told short while more. When the van stopped to ask for directions, we got really worried. Farrrrk .. don’t mess with our beach trip man. After all, Cebu boasts of beautiful beaches. When the van stopped more people for directions (note, everytime the damn van stops, farker stops right in the middle of the road and everyone else has to go round him to pass!) I asked, “errr… since we can’t find the place, why not go straight to the beach?” “Oh, its just around the corner …” was the reply. After a few damn corners and another stop for directions, we came to the guitar place. It was almost 1500 hours! We thought we could make it a quickie but Ren decided to buy a ukelele. Instead of buying it from the first stop, farker Ren went shopping to the nearby factories. Lucky thing he finally bought one because the entire tour group was just following him around and he was factory-hopping. But he did made up for it by playing the ukelele and singing in the van.
After driving for more than an hour, we still have not reach the factory and we were worried about our beach trip more than the damn guitars. We asked tour guide how long more and we were told short while more. When the van stopped to ask for directions, we got really worried. Farrrrk .. don’t mess with our beach trip man. After all, Cebu boasts of beautiful beaches. When the van stopped more people for directions (note, everytime the damn van stops, farker stops right in the middle of the road and everyone else has to go round him to pass!) I asked, “errr… since we can’t find the place, why not go straight to the beach?” “Oh, its just around the corner …” was the reply. After a few damn corners and another stop for directions, we came to the guitar place. It was almost 1500 hours! We thought we could make it a quickie but Ren decided to buy a ukelele. Instead of buying it from the first stop, farker Ren went shopping to the nearby factories. Lucky thing he finally bought one because the entire tour group was just following him around and he was factory-hopping. But he did made up for it by playing the ukelele and singing in the van.
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