Fire!

"Pour the school with kerosene..

fa la la la, la la la la la

Light up matches throw it in ...

fa la la la la la la la la

watch the school burn down to ashes ..

fa la la la la la la la

oh, wat joy its to play with matches

fa la la la, la la la la ..."

*sing in tune with the xmas song "Deck the halls.."

I'm gonna have to make a detour from my cebu blogs. Been drawing too much attention lately. Anyway, its karaoke time, sing with me! ha ha ha

Hey, I'm not an arsonist even though starting fire is one of my expertise. But I will still need matches. I'm no commando to start fire from rubbing wood together.

Anyway, the reason I am blogging about fire is not because of my fire starting skills and its not because I've just watched ladder49 (i wonder why 49?). I'm blogging about fire 'cos lately, there were 2 occassions where fire broke out near my office.

The first time, I was heading to my office when I noticed one of the floors at one of the office towers near my office was blowing smoke. Farking nasty. There were a couple of fire engines and police cars parked near the office tower and surprisingly, there was no traffic! For the first time, there was no traffic congestion near my office (its congested 24/7) and even with a fire, its not congested. I don't see any ambulance, so I guessed no life is in danger. There were a lot people standing outside watching, some were even standing by the roadside and the dumber farks were standing on the road! Dumb farks! I was looking upwards at the fire and the smoke and these dumb farks were standing on the road. Well, I managed to look down at the road in time 'cos I almost plough through those dumb farks. And these farkers can give me the "stare cock" look. Mah hai! Instead of slowing down, I burnt rubber and stepped on it and attempted to plough thru them anyway and next thing I know, the policeman was staring cock at me. Well, I didn't get into any trouble for that 'cos they were too busy with the fire anyway.

Now, the second fire incident. My office is located on the 7th floor of this block of building. Previously, my office was located on the 5th floor but my bosses decided to buy their own property and bought 1 of the office units on the 7th floor (there are only 2 units of offices each floor). We still maintained the 5th floor office and converted it into conference, lounge, pantry, library etc etc 'cos of a pain in the neck landlord. Our neighbour in the office unit next door was an old man and he wasn't doing too well in his business. Most of the time, his door is locked and he could be seen sneaking in and out of office. We were all making guesses that he is avoiding debt collectors. Eventually, he ran away and new neighbours moved in (I was in cebu during that time).

Last week, while renovating they overloaded the main and there was a strong burning smell. Guess what the farkers did? Those bastards called up the management office and told the management that they suspect there is a fire at my office in the 5th floor! Management came and investigated and my boss was so pissed off at them 'cos it was farking obvious where the burning smell was coming from. We came to the conclusion that our new neighbours have nostrils in their ass 'cos with all the shit they have, they can't smell anything anymore. In the end management, after their investigation told them they overloaded the main and blew some fuses.

2 days ago, again there was the strong burning smell and my boss said she has had enough of those idiots and went down to the 5th floor to confront them. I was very busy at that time and was rushing with some documents and mumbled if you need me to bash them, call me. I sat in my room and continued working. Then, the admin manager came into my room and told me, "hey, there's a fire at 5th floor!". I mumbled "cool..." and continued working. Then my secretary came into my room, "errr, hello? fire downstairs?"

Me: yah ... but I don't hear any alarm ringing. I'm busy, stop harassing me ..."

Then I overheard my staff talking, "we better ask boss to tell him there is a fire 'cos he won't believe us. remember the bomb incident?" [yeah, there was a bomb scare last year and it took the entire office to try to convince me until my boss told me herself there was a bomb scare, then only I believed there was a bomb scare]

Later my boss came into my room, "hey, there's a fire downstairs and I think we should leave the building"

Me: oh crap. why now? just when i'm rushing something ...

Boss: "hurry, grab ur stuff and lets go ..."

I grabbed my pen drive (all my documents are saved in there, that's my rice bowl!) and a birthday I gift I have for somebody. I went to the main entrance of my office and yeah, "holy smoke!" there was smoke everywhere and it smells foul! fark. I saw my staff all waiting by the elevator lobby and I asked them, "what da fark you guys doing? take the farking stairs!"

Me: Boss, how bad is it?

Boss: not really. i think they overloaded again and they may have put the fire out. But the smoke is really bad, that's why I asked everyone to leave/

Me: okay. i think we should shut down all power in the office and lock up.

We went round switching off everyone's computer and shutting down everything. After locking up, I told my boss I'm going to that office unit. When I went there, it was all dark (not pitch black) just dark and the smoke was thick. I went into the office unit and there was no fire. No one's around but I did manage to see a few people at the far end of the office near the windows talking. I guess its safe. But where the fark was the fire. I followed the powder on the floor courtesy of the fire extinguishers and found the cause. The main or the fuse box was burnt. I could see burnt marks all the way up to the ceiling.

Then two guys walked in, a security guard and a guy in management's outfit.

Them: Mana itu api? (translation : where's the fire)

I pointed to the box.

Them: Apa jadi? (translation: what happened?)

Me: overload?

Them: Mana lu punya kontraktor? (translation: where's your contractor?")

Me: heh heh. saya bukan tuan sini. saya kepoh saja. (translation: i'm not the owner here. just a busybody)

Them: ha ha. siapa tuan? (translation: who's the owner)

Just then this fat guy walked up. He was in a mess, dirty with soot and powder all over him. I figured that he must be the owner or something and he must have used the extinguishers to put out the fire. I was about to say good job man when his next actions pissed me off.

Fatso: Apa lu orang buat sini? (translation: what are you guys doing here?)

Them: kita management ... (translation: we are from the management)

Me: hey, you guys alright. was it an overload?

Fatso: no. no. no. not overload. and please leave. (he was behaving like a jack ass and at the same time he was breathing hard too)

Me: hey, we're just asking whether you guys are alright ..

Fatso: yeah yeah but its not overloading, I know what's the problem

I thought to myself, hello? if you knew what the fark was the problem, it happened a week ago too and just that this week it got worst! This fatso was breathing so hard, his nostrils were freaking huge. I bet I could suck his eyeballs out from his nose. But that will be gross. Maybe I'll use a vacuum cleaner instead. Ha ha

I left the room after that and continued to walk down the stairs to join my colleagues. There was no rush anymore 'cos I know the fire was put out. I was alone in the stair well that time and the smoke was really foul smelling and I could feel my lungs taking a beating for it. Then thoughts of the people running for their lives in 9/11 came into my mind and the firemen who are fighting fires in the twin towers and other burning buildings ... and the thought of those firemen who did not make it out of there ... a sad feeling came over me and yeah, these firemen are heroes ... a salute to those who have died valiantly and those who are still sacrificing themselves to fight fires and rescue lives

By the time I got to the base, I met another neighbour of our building.

Neighbour: hey, what happened? everyone's standing outside ...

Me: yeah, some fat dumb fark stuck his dick into the fuse box and caused an overload ...

Neighbour: ha ha

I started telling my neighbour the whole story again ...