When I arrived in cebu, I’ve no clue where I was supposed to go. I figured that since my friend invited me, he better have some hot bird come and pick me up. And since his family was in the same flight, hey, no worries.
Z was waiting for me outside the airport. He bundled his family into a van and told me that I would be riding with him in another van. Cool. That sneaky bastard. I was sure that the other van’s driver would be some hot chick. The van came and this short rugged looking guy jumped out. Fark! Where’s the girl? Sigh ….
In the van,
Z: dude, I’ve bad news. The condo’s not ready yet. So I will be putting you in a hotel with Iceman
Me: cool. No problems. Iceman arrived already?
Z: yeah. He’s hanging out with other friends of mine from the States. Dude, its not the hotel where the wedding reception will be held. They are full for today. You’ll be in a cheaper hotel and I’ll transfer you guys tomorrow.
Me: No problems. As long as its not some Rumah Tumpangan shit.
Z: ha ha. Ok. No worries. Its pretty decent.
Me: dude, is it normal for every farking guy in cebu to pee in the public?
[I noticed that in every farking corner, behind a tree, against a wall, there will be some dude taking a leak]
Z: yeah, its normal
Me: cool. Wish I can pee like that in KL without getting arrested and my dick chopped off. Eh, what about the women?
Z: do you see any women peeing?
Me: no.
Z: then no-lah! Cock question you asking!
Me: ha haha. Just asking mah.
Me: dude, the traffic here is nasty. Fark, I think I’ve already seen like five guys finish pissing and we are still at the same farking spot.
Z: yeah, traffic here sucks.
Me: man, I won’t complain about KL traffic anymore…
At the hotel, I was introduced to his American buddies later, T, Lady M, Ren and Stimpy (sorry dude, if you are reading this, I’ve decided to call you Stimpy since you call our Hawaiian buddy Ren) and Iceman was there too. Iceman just calls all of them the Americans.
At the hotel, I noticed there was this guard together with this huge black muthah farking dog. Man, I swear, this dog can chew your balls off with one bite! But he’s cool. Very handsome looking dude too. Very very disciplined. Anyone that brings a bag into the hotel, this mean dog will sniff it out. I’m just impressed with this dog’s discipline. With all the hotel guests walking up and down, he was still cool with whatever’s happening around him. Let’s call him Scooby.
Anyway, Z told all of us that we are heading over to the designer to try out our Barong (it’s a traditional Philipino wear). At the designer’s, I noticed that the guy is a bit soft. I felt kinda uncomfortable during fitting as he was touching me on the shoulder, back and as he was reaching down, I farking closed my eyes. Man, I thought to myself, this dude better don’t grab my ass or else I’ll farking shove the barong up his ass. Wait a minute, he might just like that. Ewwwwwww …. I’ll shove it down his throat. But then again, he might just like whatever’s being shoved into him, be it in the front or in the back.
After fitting, we were really hungry. Z told us that we are all invited to dinner with his family and his in-laws.
Me: errrrr…. Do we have to go?
Z: I just invited you guys right?
Me: I mean, do we really have to go?
Z: why? What’s the problem? If you don’t feel like going, its ok, I guess…
Me: its not that, just that with family and in-laws, it means that I have to behave
(the rest of the guys i.e. the Americans and Iceman chorused behind me, yeah, yeah)
Me: but never mind, I think it’ll be worse if we don’t turn up. We don’t want to be rude or anything, just feel uncomfortable at the very thought of behaving. Man, what the fark is that smell? Its making me hungry!
[We were all standing outside the designer’s place and there was smoke and something smells really good]
We decided to follow the smell and guess what? We found this stall with huge slices of “siew yoke” (pork) being grilled on a pit. The smell was awesome. We grabbed a few of those “siew yoke” and Z was going, “errr, guys, there’s dinner yunno? Besides, is it safe to grab from a road side stall?” We grabbed it anyway. Z then dropped me and Iceman back to our hotel for a shower and told us that his wife’s brother will pick us up for dinner.
At the hotel, Iceman and I turned on the tv and took turns to have our shower. While I was in the shower, Iceman shouted, hey! You gotta look at these. I came out of the shower and No….. there was no porn on tv. But something better. There were advertisements of all the clubs and karaoke joints in cebu. Pictures of the Guest Relation Officers were all over tv. And man, were they scantily clad! We got the names of all those karaoke joints. How come KL don’t have this kind of advertisement? And farking Z told us that this is a decent hotel. Ha ha.
At dinner, I met Z’s wife, B and she gave me a big hug. I was introduced to Z’s in-laws and his other family members whom I have not met. During dinner, I managed to experience for the first time Ren’s eating habits. Watching him eat makes all the food look good. Each time a new dish is served, he’ll look at it and say, “that looks good. Can I have some?” Next thing we know, the whole dish is with him.
After dinner, we went for dessert called “halo-halo”. Its just another ice kacang to me. I still think Penang’s ice kacang is better. Iceman, Z’s brother in law, PR went to a club called Vudu after that to have drinks. That’s when the good news hit us. When we saw the menu, San Miguel’s beer is only 50 pesos. That’s like RM3 a bottle. Then B’s brother, BK told us that in the supermarkets its only 10 pesos.
Me: shit. 10 pesos? Dude, can you get the beers for us.
BK: no problems, how many do you want
Iceman: [counting in his mind] 5 slabs of it. 5 crates?
BK: [jaws dropping and eyes popping out] 5? That’s like 120 cans!
Iceman: what? Too little?
BK: who’s gonna drink it?
Iceman: [pointing to me] him, me and 1 more guy, Wor Siong who will be arriving tomorrow. PR, you want to join us?
PR: shit, you guys drink a lot man …
Iceman: ok, lets be realistic, 4 slabs?
BK: [eyes still popped out and jaws still dropping] errrr… ok. That’s like 96 cans …
Me: hey iceman, since we’ll go clubbing tomorrow nite, mebbe shud reconsider. I think 3 slabs more realistic.
Iceman: ok, fine with me. Besides, there’s still a bottle of wisky in our room and Wor Siong is bringing vodka
PR & BK’s jaw dropped all the way to the floor.
BK: errrrr. Ok. I will get 3 crates for you. But where are you guys gonna keep them?
[Ren and Stimpy have joined us by then]
Me: well, we’ll just buy loads of ice and put everything in the bathtub. Ren, can we shower in your room instead?
Ren: Sure. Man, you guys are freaking us out. What the fark Malaysians drink? Water or beer?
Iceman: ha ha. A little bit of both.
We adjourned back to our room for more drinks. That time, there was only Iceman and me, both talking cock about the good old days and downing the wisky. At the same time, we just continued watching all the tv ads on the karaoke joints and the bars …
Z was waiting for me outside the airport. He bundled his family into a van and told me that I would be riding with him in another van. Cool. That sneaky bastard. I was sure that the other van’s driver would be some hot chick. The van came and this short rugged looking guy jumped out. Fark! Where’s the girl? Sigh ….
In the van,
Z: dude, I’ve bad news. The condo’s not ready yet. So I will be putting you in a hotel with Iceman
Me: cool. No problems. Iceman arrived already?
Z: yeah. He’s hanging out with other friends of mine from the States. Dude, its not the hotel where the wedding reception will be held. They are full for today. You’ll be in a cheaper hotel and I’ll transfer you guys tomorrow.
Me: No problems. As long as its not some Rumah Tumpangan shit.
Z: ha ha. Ok. No worries. Its pretty decent.
Me: dude, is it normal for every farking guy in cebu to pee in the public?
[I noticed that in every farking corner, behind a tree, against a wall, there will be some dude taking a leak]
Z: yeah, its normal
Me: cool. Wish I can pee like that in KL without getting arrested and my dick chopped off. Eh, what about the women?
Z: do you see any women peeing?
Me: no.
Z: then no-lah! Cock question you asking!
Me: ha haha. Just asking mah.
Me: dude, the traffic here is nasty. Fark, I think I’ve already seen like five guys finish pissing and we are still at the same farking spot.
Z: yeah, traffic here sucks.
Me: man, I won’t complain about KL traffic anymore…
At the hotel, I was introduced to his American buddies later, T, Lady M, Ren and Stimpy (sorry dude, if you are reading this, I’ve decided to call you Stimpy since you call our Hawaiian buddy Ren) and Iceman was there too. Iceman just calls all of them the Americans.
At the hotel, I noticed there was this guard together with this huge black muthah farking dog. Man, I swear, this dog can chew your balls off with one bite! But he’s cool. Very handsome looking dude too. Very very disciplined. Anyone that brings a bag into the hotel, this mean dog will sniff it out. I’m just impressed with this dog’s discipline. With all the hotel guests walking up and down, he was still cool with whatever’s happening around him. Let’s call him Scooby.
Anyway, Z told all of us that we are heading over to the designer to try out our Barong (it’s a traditional Philipino wear). At the designer’s, I noticed that the guy is a bit soft. I felt kinda uncomfortable during fitting as he was touching me on the shoulder, back and as he was reaching down, I farking closed my eyes. Man, I thought to myself, this dude better don’t grab my ass or else I’ll farking shove the barong up his ass. Wait a minute, he might just like that. Ewwwwwww …. I’ll shove it down his throat. But then again, he might just like whatever’s being shoved into him, be it in the front or in the back.
After fitting, we were really hungry. Z told us that we are all invited to dinner with his family and his in-laws.
Me: errrrr…. Do we have to go?
Z: I just invited you guys right?
Me: I mean, do we really have to go?
Z: why? What’s the problem? If you don’t feel like going, its ok, I guess…
Me: its not that, just that with family and in-laws, it means that I have to behave
(the rest of the guys i.e. the Americans and Iceman chorused behind me, yeah, yeah)
Me: but never mind, I think it’ll be worse if we don’t turn up. We don’t want to be rude or anything, just feel uncomfortable at the very thought of behaving. Man, what the fark is that smell? Its making me hungry!
[We were all standing outside the designer’s place and there was smoke and something smells really good]
We decided to follow the smell and guess what? We found this stall with huge slices of “siew yoke” (pork) being grilled on a pit. The smell was awesome. We grabbed a few of those “siew yoke” and Z was going, “errr, guys, there’s dinner yunno? Besides, is it safe to grab from a road side stall?” We grabbed it anyway. Z then dropped me and Iceman back to our hotel for a shower and told us that his wife’s brother will pick us up for dinner.
At the hotel, Iceman and I turned on the tv and took turns to have our shower. While I was in the shower, Iceman shouted, hey! You gotta look at these. I came out of the shower and No….. there was no porn on tv. But something better. There were advertisements of all the clubs and karaoke joints in cebu. Pictures of the Guest Relation Officers were all over tv. And man, were they scantily clad! We got the names of all those karaoke joints. How come KL don’t have this kind of advertisement? And farking Z told us that this is a decent hotel. Ha ha.
At dinner, I met Z’s wife, B and she gave me a big hug. I was introduced to Z’s in-laws and his other family members whom I have not met. During dinner, I managed to experience for the first time Ren’s eating habits. Watching him eat makes all the food look good. Each time a new dish is served, he’ll look at it and say, “that looks good. Can I have some?” Next thing we know, the whole dish is with him.
After dinner, we went for dessert called “halo-halo”. Its just another ice kacang to me. I still think Penang’s ice kacang is better. Iceman, Z’s brother in law, PR went to a club called Vudu after that to have drinks. That’s when the good news hit us. When we saw the menu, San Miguel’s beer is only 50 pesos. That’s like RM3 a bottle. Then B’s brother, BK told us that in the supermarkets its only 10 pesos.
Me: shit. 10 pesos? Dude, can you get the beers for us.
BK: no problems, how many do you want
Iceman: [counting in his mind] 5 slabs of it. 5 crates?
BK: [jaws dropping and eyes popping out] 5? That’s like 120 cans!
Iceman: what? Too little?
BK: who’s gonna drink it?
Iceman: [pointing to me] him, me and 1 more guy, Wor Siong who will be arriving tomorrow. PR, you want to join us?
PR: shit, you guys drink a lot man …
Iceman: ok, lets be realistic, 4 slabs?
BK: [eyes still popped out and jaws still dropping] errrr… ok. That’s like 96 cans …
Me: hey iceman, since we’ll go clubbing tomorrow nite, mebbe shud reconsider. I think 3 slabs more realistic.
Iceman: ok, fine with me. Besides, there’s still a bottle of wisky in our room and Wor Siong is bringing vodka
PR & BK’s jaw dropped all the way to the floor.
BK: errrrr. Ok. I will get 3 crates for you. But where are you guys gonna keep them?
[Ren and Stimpy have joined us by then]
Me: well, we’ll just buy loads of ice and put everything in the bathtub. Ren, can we shower in your room instead?
Ren: Sure. Man, you guys are freaking us out. What the fark Malaysians drink? Water or beer?
Iceman: ha ha. A little bit of both.
We adjourned back to our room for more drinks. That time, there was only Iceman and me, both talking cock about the good old days and downing the wisky. At the same time, we just continued watching all the tv ads on the karaoke joints and the bars …
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