This is going to be a log on my trip to Cebu Island in the Philippines recently.
My friend was getting married (sucker!) and I was part of the entourage. I've known this friend of mine, Z since we were kids, don't exactly remember how old or how we hit it off, but I know we have been friends for ages and we go way back since primary school.
I was supposed to be his bestman but I could not accept the duty of being one. I've been bestman before for 3 other weddings, and some taboo stuff about not suppose to be bestman more than 3 times. I thought that taboo thingy only applies to bridesmaid but apparently not. My parents weren't too happy when I told them I will bestman for the fourth time. Since I am still single, I told my friend, Z that I might as well not take the risk. But the taboo didn't say anything about being bridesmaid! Does that mean I get to be bridesmaid for 3 times?
The day before I left for Cebu, I worked until 2am. Clients gave me some last minute work to finish up and knowing that I will be on leave for a week, they wanted the work done by then. Documents were still coming into my email at 7pm that night and I was frantically trying to finish everything. Fark, this is the only time I wish email was never invented. And fax machine too! That very day, I was again made a firm believer of Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong! It started with my staff, then my clients and to make things worse, my computer decides to hang on me. Then the farking printer doesn't work. Had to farking swear and curse it and like a raving lunatic, actually threatened the printer that I would torch it if it doesn't work. It worked after that. At least my secretary decided to function properly that day and worked until 9pm to make sure I am fine with everything.
My friend was getting married (sucker!) and I was part of the entourage. I've known this friend of mine, Z since we were kids, don't exactly remember how old or how we hit it off, but I know we have been friends for ages and we go way back since primary school.
I was supposed to be his bestman but I could not accept the duty of being one. I've been bestman before for 3 other weddings, and some taboo stuff about not suppose to be bestman more than 3 times. I thought that taboo thingy only applies to bridesmaid but apparently not. My parents weren't too happy when I told them I will bestman for the fourth time. Since I am still single, I told my friend, Z that I might as well not take the risk. But the taboo didn't say anything about being bridesmaid! Does that mean I get to be bridesmaid for 3 times?
The day before I left for Cebu, I worked until 2am. Clients gave me some last minute work to finish up and knowing that I will be on leave for a week, they wanted the work done by then. Documents were still coming into my email at 7pm that night and I was frantically trying to finish everything. Fark, this is the only time I wish email was never invented. And fax machine too! That very day, I was again made a firm believer of Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong! It started with my staff, then my clients and to make things worse, my computer decides to hang on me. Then the farking printer doesn't work. Had to farking swear and curse it and like a raving lunatic, actually threatened the printer that I would torch it if it doesn't work. It worked after that. At least my secretary decided to function properly that day and worked until 9pm to make sure I am fine with everything.
I managed to pack my stuff into my backpack half an hour before I left for the airport. I won't even call it packing, just dumped whatever I can think of into my backpack. At the airport, I was much more relaxed by then. Had breakfast, loads of coffee and was hoping that I could catch sight of some hot looking stewardess. I was sorely disappointed! It seems like a Old Folks Home convention going on at the KLIA that morning. All of them seems to be on a Tour of Duty thing in China. And they all have the same luggage. And same windbreakers. Is this some kind of terrorist training?
The coffee was not helping. For past three nights, I've hardly slept. I was falling asleep fast. I think I better go in and wait. At least if I fall asleep inside, maybe a hot looking stewardess will wake me up before I miss my flight. Hell yeah, that's a good idea.
I went in and at the waiting lounge, there was a flight waiting to take off. The cabin crew arrived a little later and I was just staring at them. The stewardesses were wearing this jacket with zippers in front. Kinda kinky thinking that I can unzip them from the front. Its like unwrapping a present slowly but without tearing the papers. Man ... I was shit bored there. And those zippers are making me hallucinate. I think it was the coffee. And it doesn't help either that these stewardesses were wearing short skirts. Damn. I need a more coffee!
When I boarded my flight, I realised my friend's family were in the same flight when they called out to me. Damn. I forgot about them. Ok, looks like I have to behave. I thought I was travelling alone and could misbehave but now ... nevermind. Just find my sit and sit down. Hmmmm... maybe the stewardess in this flight would be pretty. I put myself on alert and scanned my surroundings for birds. Nothing. No birds. Turkeys and geese maybe. No birds. Fark!
To make things worse, this lady and her kid sat next to me. He's about 3years old and was crying all the way. I was freaking trying to sleep and the kid was bouncing up and down the chair like a rubber ball and nudging me. Felt like shoving my elbow into the kid. Made a snarling face at the kid and he started crying again. What a wuss! If only I have duct tape with me. Probably will tape him up.
There was stopover at KK and after the stopover, I realised my sit was taken by someone else. After enquiring, I realised the lady with the kid took my sit as she needed leg room. Sigh. Ok, that's my good deed for the day. I took her sit at the back. And what a lousy sit that was. I cramped in between this woman who is more of a pachyderm than a woman and this white boy who's as big as a polar bear. Sandwiched by a pachyderm and a bear. Sigh. And guess what, there's another kid sitting behind me kicking my chair. I can't sleep, I was bored, and all I had to do to entertain myself was think of all the ways I can break the kid's legs.
1. Have the pachyderm sit on his legs.
2. Have the bear sit on his legs.
3. have the pachyderm hold 1 leg and the bear hold the other leg and pull them apart.
4. shove the kid's legs into the bear's ass
hmmm.... you know the cart where they place the food ...... that's a nice play to store a kid that size.
the list of things that I could do to that kid goes on until I reached cebu ...
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