Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Traffic Jams

What do you guys do while stuck in a traffic jam? If you are with your better half, you may have someone to talk to. Or maybe someone to argue or pick a fight with. But if you are alone? Call your friends on your cell phone? Pick your nose? You can always see someone doing that especially after they have picked their nose, they try to roll it up into a ball and flick it away. I have seen some Ah Bengs try to pull their stubbles using two 20 cent coins. If the coins are not big enough, rest assured they would try using bigger coins. I have tried it before and all I have to say is, it takes considerable skill to be able to pull your stubble out that way. Some could even be seen to pull out their nose hairs that way. Leave it to the Ah Bengs, they have certain skills which only they possess.

Ever notice how some guys tend to just wind their windows down and not flick anything out but to wind it back up again? Well, I have done it before. Many times in fact. No, I was not testing the power windows. I just needed fresh air. I passed out gas, gas so foul that my car may serve as a gas chamber for inmates on death row. Do astronauts fart? I know they have special equipments to pee and to shit. But farting? I’m keen to know that. Jams in KL are so bad that often I find myself desperately pulling my car somewhere so that I can take a leak. At that point of time, I just don’t care anymore, the hell with morals and civic consciousness, as long as I can pull my car to the side, freaking sprint behind any tree or pillar or ANYTHING at all and it’ll be like the Niagara Falls.

There is also this thing called the “sheep theory”. All it takes is one sheep to wander off and every other damn sheep will follow. Yup, it has happened before. I pulled my car over for a leak and next thing I know, these two other cars did the same thing. “Hey, wassup? Jam sucks huh?”, I called out to the other guys, No reply. More like a grunt and “Ahhhhhh…..”

Anyway, I was caught in another farking jam yesterday. Looked more like a parking lot in MidValley, except that MidValley still has lanes for cars to pass through. I was bored shitless! Agitated. To top it all off, you get your usual jerks jumping queue and weaving in and out while still being stuck in a jam! Just so happens this car’s plate is “ADA”. Stands for “Another Dumb Ass”. Hey, this is fun. Next car … “WGY” errrr….. too tough. Next car … “WJC” … errr skip … next car …

“BDB” ha ha. This is easy. “Big dangling breasts” next …

“ADF” heck, this is even easier, “Another dumb fuck”

Then there was this old Nissan sunny with “MF” … ha ha. You guessed it. “Mother Fucker!!!!”
This is fun. Problem is, I can’t seem to form anything with “W”. And then it hit me, “W” could stand for “Wankers”. Cool, I am getting better. So many cars, so little time. Ha ha ha. I should start keeping scores. Wish I have a friend in the car to play this game with …





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