Whoa ... I have not blogged for a while. Been busy with facebook. Damn thing is friggin addictive. So ... kinda neglected this blog for a bit.
I had one of the worse telemarketeer calling me yesterday. You know, those guys or gals that calls you from banks or credit card companies? Well, this one is quite a champion ...
Caller: Hello Sir.
Me: Yes?
Caller: (mumbled) here
Me: Huh?
Caller: (mumble) (mumble)
Me: Sorry. who are you?
Caller: Siva here. Siva. Siva.
Me: Siva?
Caller: Yes sir. Siva from xxxx bank sir.
Me: Ok .....?
Caller: Ah Sir, can I talk to you?
Me: errrr .... you are already talking to me?
Caller: Sorry sir, are you busy?
Me: No. Please talk.
Caller: Sir, we got personal loan. You want or not?
Me: (laughing to myself) sorry ... WHAT loan?
Caller: Personal loan sir. you want or not?
Me: Hello! you calling from bank or Ah Long?
Caller: No no. Not ah long sir. Bank sir.
Me: But the way you ask macam like ah long like that.
Caller: No sir. We are bank sir. So you want loan or not?
Me: Its ok. No thank you. Bye bye.
I can't believe this guy. Did the bank or his supervisors actually teach him how to speak to people over the phone? Farks .... you want loan or not. Well, at least he got straight to the point.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The "TOR" & the "TEE"
Ah .... Guru Lembu will try to be Lembu-pedia today ...
The "TOR" or the "OR" - always used when you give.
The "TEE" or the "EE" - always used when you receive.
Example. The PENETRATOR - the person who penetrates i.e. the farker or if you want to call him or her, the farkor also can. This is when you give.
The PENETRATEE - ahem, this is the person who gets penetrated i.e. the farkee. Heh heh.
Which brings Guru Lembu to his favorite question ... I mean, the following is a theory of Guru Lembu. You try it on your friends, especially the guys.
Ask any guy, if during sex, would he prefer to be a PENETRATOR or a PENETRATEE. My theory is, a REAL MAN would immediately say, what da fark? of course lah PENETRATOR!!!
Agree?
But if your friend actually take some time to think about it and then give you an answer .... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ... me theory is, he has a dark side waiting to cross over. This theory of course applies to guys. If the girl responds immediately and say PENETRATOR, we know that she is the dominant one lah. If she thinks about it, means she is thinking ... hmmm... what would it be like if I am the one thrusting and penetrating ...?
Anyway ... dats me Guru Lembu theory. Try it on guys. See how long they take to answer... and if they do take a long time to answer (or rather does not answer immediately) ask him, what's with the doubt? Why this kind of thing also need to think wan is it?
The "TOR" or the "OR" - always used when you give.
The "TEE" or the "EE" - always used when you receive.
Example. The PENETRATOR - the person who penetrates i.e. the farker or if you want to call him or her, the farkor also can. This is when you give.
The PENETRATEE - ahem, this is the person who gets penetrated i.e. the farkee. Heh heh.
Which brings Guru Lembu to his favorite question ... I mean, the following is a theory of Guru Lembu. You try it on your friends, especially the guys.
Ask any guy, if during sex, would he prefer to be a PENETRATOR or a PENETRATEE. My theory is, a REAL MAN would immediately say, what da fark? of course lah PENETRATOR!!!
Agree?
But if your friend actually take some time to think about it and then give you an answer .... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ... me theory is, he has a dark side waiting to cross over. This theory of course applies to guys. If the girl responds immediately and say PENETRATOR, we know that she is the dominant one lah. If she thinks about it, means she is thinking ... hmmm... what would it be like if I am the one thrusting and penetrating ...?
Anyway ... dats me Guru Lembu theory. Try it on guys. See how long they take to answer... and if they do take a long time to answer (or rather does not answer immediately) ask him, what's with the doubt? Why this kind of thing also need to think wan is it?
Monday, September 03, 2007
IT
IT. Information Technology. Or is it ... Idiot's Tests? It should have been ITT. Idiot's Trials & Tribulations.
I never thought I am the IT kinda person. But I recently found out that there are people out there ... that are much much worse off than me.
A friend of mine recently called me and said, ey, Lembu, can you help out a friend of mine with some IT stuff.
I was like ... HUH? Dei ... since when I am IT expert?
Friend went, can lah .... I also IT buta wan. I think these are simple stuff. Just that my friend left a MNC and is working as a consultant right now and is having some problems with her notebook.
So I said, ok .... must be quite a challenge then. A former MNC employee and now a consultant. I really think she should get a real IT guy. Not me. Heck ... I only use word processor i.e. Microsoft Word @ work!!!! How da fark am I suppose to help this person.
Now ... the first time I helped her ... well, she is in her late 30s. And yes, I am very amazed that people nowadays don't know how to install software into their notebook. So ... nevermind. I helped. I thought that was it. There were many other occassions which I had to help with her notebook and then one day ... the ultimate question was posed to me.
Q: errr... u know, I have thousands of emails in my outlook and I think its too much already.
Me: huh? just delete lah.
Q: oh.... can delete ah?
Me: (duh silently to myself) errrr... yup. You see your outlook ... there is a delete function.
Q: oh ... thanks thanks.
1 MONTH later .......
Q: hello?
Me: yup?
Q: you know, my email ...
Me: why? cannot receive?
Q: no no. last time I delete all my emails ... they are still not deleted. they are all still there ..
Me: HUH? Errr ... you click on the mail, then you click delete .... riiiiiggggght?
Q: yah yah. I did that. but then hor ... all the mails I deleted are still there in my outlook
Me: huh?
Q: yah ... instead of deleting, the mails all went into the deleted folder
Me: (smashing my head against my table) errrr .... from inbox, you delete, it goes to deleted folder. once you are sure you don't want them anymore, then you delete it from the deleted folder ...
Q: oh. so troublesome. why this outlook so stupid. must delete so many times. Anyway, thanks ok? such a stupid program. must delete twice... so stupid
Me: errr ... ok. bye ... have fun with your emails. bye
Sighhhhhhhsss .... and I thought my IT is bad.
I never thought I am the IT kinda person. But I recently found out that there are people out there ... that are much much worse off than me.
A friend of mine recently called me and said, ey, Lembu, can you help out a friend of mine with some IT stuff.
I was like ... HUH? Dei ... since when I am IT expert?
Friend went, can lah .... I also IT buta wan. I think these are simple stuff. Just that my friend left a MNC and is working as a consultant right now and is having some problems with her notebook.
So I said, ok .... must be quite a challenge then. A former MNC employee and now a consultant. I really think she should get a real IT guy. Not me. Heck ... I only use word processor i.e. Microsoft Word @ work!!!! How da fark am I suppose to help this person.
Now ... the first time I helped her ... well, she is in her late 30s. And yes, I am very amazed that people nowadays don't know how to install software into their notebook. So ... nevermind. I helped. I thought that was it. There were many other occassions which I had to help with her notebook and then one day ... the ultimate question was posed to me.
Q: errr... u know, I have thousands of emails in my outlook and I think its too much already.
Me: huh? just delete lah.
Q: oh.... can delete ah?
Me: (duh silently to myself) errrr... yup. You see your outlook ... there is a delete function.
Q: oh ... thanks thanks.
1 MONTH later .......
Q: hello?
Me: yup?
Q: you know, my email ...
Me: why? cannot receive?
Q: no no. last time I delete all my emails ... they are still not deleted. they are all still there ..
Me: HUH? Errr ... you click on the mail, then you click delete .... riiiiiggggght?
Q: yah yah. I did that. but then hor ... all the mails I deleted are still there in my outlook
Me: huh?
Q: yah ... instead of deleting, the mails all went into the deleted folder
Me: (smashing my head against my table) errrr .... from inbox, you delete, it goes to deleted folder. once you are sure you don't want them anymore, then you delete it from the deleted folder ...
Q: oh. so troublesome. why this outlook so stupid. must delete so many times. Anyway, thanks ok? such a stupid program. must delete twice... so stupid
Me: errr ... ok. bye ... have fun with your emails. bye
Sighhhhhhhsss .... and I thought my IT is bad.
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