Dirty Old Man

The youngest employee in my office is a college girl on her study break. She is my boss's friend's daughther and she needed money for her studies in Australia next year. This girl is doing psychology or something like that and have always said that I will be the best "specimen" to be examined by her class and her lecturer. I was flattered but at the same time, I told her don't 'cos they might all fail in their studies because of me. Ha! Ha! Her name's Shermayne and being the youngest, she gets a lot of attention from the office people.

She turned 21 recently, a few days ago and everyone got her a present and I just wished her happy birthday. She calls me "uncle" and I've always said, I'm not that farking old! Why am I blogging about her? And why dirty old man? Fark you guys if you think the dirty old man is me. Mah hai!

Anyway, on her birthday, a delivery guy delivered a large bouquet of flowers and a hamper. In the hamper there were chocolates, other gifts and a teddy bear. A pink color teddy bear. I thought it was her boyfriend but she said she doesn't have a boyfriend. Aha! Secret Admirer then. She was worried. She called the flower company and managed to find out who sent it to her. It was "Uncle Lee". I thought this was her real uncle but turns out to be another friend who goes to the same church with her. And mind you, Shermayne's father is the pastor of the Church and he knows of this "Uncle Lee"!

I said, "fark, you've been seducing an old man?" (I thought Uncle Lee was a 50 year old Ah beng with a pot belly and balding head)

Then Shermayne told us the whole story. She is not interested in him. But this Uncle Lee has been texting her (sms lar) every night and is now sending flowers and teddy bears! Uncle Lee is 14 years older than her, is married with a 4 year old daughter and she teaches the daughter bible studies.

This is where all the farking females in my office point a finger at me and said, see, you men are all the same. Always going after young girls. Cradle snatchers!

Fark! I now have to defend man kind. Look, I am a few years younger than this Uncle Lee and I don't think there is anything wrong with older man going out or farking younger women (as long as they are above 16!). Hell, if there is a sweet young girl of 18 with big tits and starts flirting with me, I'd be flattered! But the fact is, I don't have a sweet young thing flirting with me. And I don't find it disgusting! I just don't see anything wrong with it! But, understand this, you silly women, only RICH old men would have the "tool" BIG ENOUGH to draw young women. Money lah. What da fark were you all thinking? Dick?! And young women willingly let old flacid cocks fark them because of money. Which farking old man who is poor get to fark a young hottie? So please, before you call men cradle snatchers... get your farking facts right!

But NOOOOOO..... every farking female species in my office disagreed with me. Ok. Ok. I think there will be an issue if I start dating a 21 year old or an 18 year old. I guess there will definitely be a communication problem. Hell, one of these young college bitches in my gym said the original singer of Every Breath You Take was P.Diddy! Fark! I am so definitely old if I know the original singer was Sting when he was with the Police.

So, I still don't find it disgusting but I think there might be some problems with having a much much younger girlfriend. But what I find it disgusting was this farker Uncle Lee is married. And he has a 4 year old daughter! Shermayne did say his wife is those typical dragon lady who controls his farking life. But that was his farking problem! He made the decision to marry her. But like all men, they were suckered into marriage. Look, what I am trying to say is that there will always be reasons to cheat, be it for the husband or for the wife. But with valid reasons don't make things right. They are still farking wrong. Let me give you some classic example. Why men cheat. Obviously, they needed something which is missing from their wife. Case No. 1. Wife doesn't blow him. Period. Even before marriage won't blow him. After marriage, still no blowjob. Somehow, he found the pleasures of a blowjob from another source. So he cheats. But that doesn't mean he don't love his wife anymore. He just wanted a farking blowjob!

Case No 2. Man goes to karaoke joints and got seduced by all the sweet talking and manja women from China or Cambodia. And the wives of all these men signed a petition and submitted it to the authorities (it really happened some time ago) to close down these karaoke joints. Their pictures were in the papers. Have you seen them? Some of them are just farking ugly and fat wearing their auntie clothing. There are also those typical Ah Lian wives who have farking ate so much after they got married and looks like a dugong now. But their farking mirrors at home are those special mirrors in the Hall of Mirrors where a fat dugong like her look into it, it still reflect her as JLo. What makes things worse, these fat dugong wears tight clothings. Branded stuff too. But they look like the Michelin Man. And they expect their husband to still be able to erect those flacid dick of theirs to fark them? Even you farking inject cocaine into those dicks won't help. And have you heard how they talk to the husband? Have you heard how these GROs talk to the men? I rest my case.

BUT, it is still wrong to farking cheat. But I guess ... its not wrong if you don't get caught! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Anyway, back to dirty old man Uncle Lee. Shermayne ignored him when he called and texted her. Shermayne told her friends how disgusted she felt and Uncle Lee did sensed that his plan backfired. He immediately texted her and told her not to misunderstand his intentions. He even asked Shermayne's friends what is it about the gift or the wordings in the card that caused this "misunderstanding". I told Shermayne to tell him, nothing. It was the farking fact that you sent it was already a misunderstanding. At first he tried to justify by saying he treats all of Shermayne's friends the same. Then he said it was to thank Shermayne for teaching the daughter. Then this farker even used God and religion to justify his actions and said only God will know of his true intentions. When he realised none of this work, he resorted to scolding Shermaine in his text messages by saying that now she has made him look silly and stupid. Hello, I told Shermayne, he doesn't look silly and stupid. He IS farking silly and stupid.

It was farking clear that he was hitting on her with all the previous text messages sent everyday to her. Is that not hitting? Of course he may deny them but he did say, don't tell his wife. So, if these farker is not doing anything wrong, why the fark can't you tell the wife? I told Shermayne, look, why don't you return the flowers and the gifts at Church on Sunday morning in front of the wife. But then again, I told Shermayne, not to cause a breakdown in someone else's marriage.

So I told her to take the teddy bear, cut off its head, dig out its eyes, cut off its hands and legs, stab a knife into the groin and send it back to him in a parcel. Man, I think I should be a Godfather. A Don.

Shermayne looked at the bear and said she didn't want it. All the more reason to cut it up. Here, let me help ... and then I asked her what color is the teddy ... it was pink. My girlfriend loves pink. Damn. Hey, do you want me to cut it up? Shermayne says please don't. Hmmm... Can I have it then? Yeah, yeah, I know you farkers think I am damn farking cheapskate here. But give me a farking break can or not? Imagine a color blind farker like me trying to buy a pink teddy bear for my girlfriend ...