come smell my shit

I was once an instructor at a camp and though I was not knighted, they kept calling me sir! Why an instructor? I love outdoors. I love to camp, hike etc etc. And from these camps and hikes, I encountered a lot of funny incidents which will be the subject of my blogs. Anyway, I better get straight to the point. A guy had gastric pains came running to me and said, "Sir, sir ... i got gastric"

Me: "so? my problem?"

Guy (holding stomach): "no... but I have actal"

Me: "ar but then?"

Guy: "ok, i go take"

5 minutes later ... guy comes running back

And I thought to myself, "wow, damn thing actually works ... either that, he doesn't know what to do with the actal, maybe I'll tell him to shove it up his ass" *snigger, snigger, snigger*

Guy: "sir! sir!"

Me: "what?"

Guy: "errrr... I drank kerosene"

Me (eyes wide opened): ????? what da????? how the hell did you do that? i mean, kerosene bottle labled "actal" is it?

Guy showed me the kerosene bottle. It was one of those 1.25l transparent bottle, not labled, not marked ... I opened it and phew!

Guy: "I put actal into my mouth and took bottle, opened it and drank ..."

Me (slapping my hand on my forehead): "can't you smell it? what the hell is wrong with your nose? how much did you drink?"

Guy: "errrr... a lot..."

Me: "wouldn't you like spit it out the moment it reaches your mouth?"

Guy: "errr... no... after I drank it only I realised it was kerosene"

Me: "ok, lets get you to a clinic ..."

That night as Guy was sleeping in his tent, I brought my fellow instructors to see him. We asked him whether he was alright and he just rolled over, gave us the thumbs up, said "I'm ok sir" and right after that, he barfed right in front of all of us.

ha ha ha ha ha (yup, we laughed. just can't help it. it was really funny when he barfed)

next day, in the evening, Guy and a couple of his friends were taking their bath and Guy was taking a dump. I was there to take my bath as well when Guy came out of his cubicle and said, "hey, everyone ... guess what? come smell my shit ... got kerosene smell..."

Me: ????? (he can't freaking smell the kerosene when he opened the kerosene bottle and drank and he can now smell his own shit ... wonder how freaking close he got to his shit to smell it ... or maybe he dipped his finger into it and brought it to his nose to sniff it).

His friends started to verbally abuse him, "what the fuck??!! who the fuck wants to smell your shit??!! what the hell is wrong with you?"

Guy:, "no, really, got kerosene smell ..."

One of this friends decided to be smart ... got a match from his pouch, lighted it and threw it into the shit .... "PIFFFFFFFF..........."

ha ha ha ha ha

What was he expecting? "BOOM!?"

A few years later ... Guy's younger brother joined the camp.

Me: "so, how do you tell the difference between water and kerosene?"

Guy's Brother: "taste it, Sir!"

????? sigh .... here we go again .... "Can somebody mark the damn kerosene bottles!!!!"