Nick Names

I am sure everyone has nick names. Back in high school I wasn't known as lembu gila (mad cow). I was called anjing gila (mad dog) or just dog. Why? I have this really bad habit of biting and chewing onto anything I could find. Pens. Pencils. Rulers. Even the wooden desk we used to have in high school I chewed on it. It has my teeth marks all over it. My buddy's pencil case was made out of wood. That too I chewed on it and left my teeth marks all over it. He stopped using the pencil case since I bit off a chunk of the wood and had my saliva all over the damn box. LOL!!!

I still like to chew on things. But why lembu gila? Initially I found the name funny when I used it as a call sign during my days in the internet cafe playing Warcraft 3. It was during that time that there was a hype of mad cow diseases and with my machas, there was so much name calling in the internet cafe. In the beginning we used names like Tiu Nia Ma, Kan Ni Na, Farkers, Cibai, Pundek and the list goes on. Later I started using anjing, then lembu gila and used other names with animals in them such as dugong gila (mad dugong), penyu gila (mad turtle) etc etc. My machas followed suit with names like babi gila and notably raja ular (snake king) to which we changed it to raja cacing (worm king) with references to the size of his dick. Of course he wasn't happy being called raja cacing hence he changed his call sign to raja lan chiau (dick king).

Now, this particular blog is important to all parents. When you name your child, please consult all other dialects or language ... at least the main dialects or language of our beloved country, Malaysia Boleh! Over the course of my work, I have come across many names which leaves me laughing my ass off. Here are some real examples:

1. This guy's surname is Chow. His parents named him Chee Wai. So its read as Chow Chee Wai. I think his parents farking hated him 'cos that name is similar to Chow Chee Bai means smelly cunt in cantonese. Yup, his parents definitely hated him.

2. Another classic. I was working on some documents when I saw this name .. Tai Hai. Means big cunt in cantonese. I laughed and laughed till my eye balls almost popped out. On the appointed day, the person called Tai Hai turned up in my office. It wasn't a he. It was a she. Fark. How can someone name their daughter Big Cunt? Unless of course, her cunt is really THAT BIG!

3. Another champion. A guy. His name was Taw Hai. Meaning? A lot of cunt in cantonese. LOL!!!! My only guess is, his parents wanted daughters badly, hence he was named Many Cunt.

4. A hero. A guy as well. His name was Lam Pah. In hokkien means balls. Thank goodness his surname was Tuah. Otherwise he would be known as Tuah Lam Pah which means Big Balls.

The list can go on but you get my drift. Farking check the names with other dialects or language before you name your kid!!!!!

Swim

Both my knees are injured. Totally farked up. So running is a problem for me. And doctors have adviced me to swim instead of running. The problem is, where da fark can I find a swimming pool which is convenient enough for me and cater to my farked up work schedule? Public pools. The nearest pools closest to me closes too damn early. Besides, you know what all the old people say about swimming late at night. Rheumatism. Coupled with my injuries, that's something which I might not want to venture into. Friends have suggested condominiums but so far, I don't know of any buddies who have a condominium unit in a really posh condo surroundings.

Okay okay, before you give me shit on why "really posh condo surroundings" here are the many reasons why. This is my advice, if you want to live in a condominium, go live in a really posh condominium. Why? At least its well maintained. But mind you, not all posh condominiums are well maintained. Reason? The richer they are, the more stingy these bastards will be. What has it got to do with my swimming?

If you buy a middle range kinda condominium, rest assured there will be bastards who won't pay the monthly maintenance. Their reasons? Its always this cocked up excuse that they are not happy with the way its maintained. Since there are farkers who won't pay, the pool won't be maintained. Fark. You don't want to swim in a pool that's greenish in color or that cultivates algae. I bet you if you swim in there long enough, you might just mutate and come out with an extra dick or additional tits or something. Besides, some of these so called swimming pools are so friggin small, you might as well throw in some kois and turn it into a koi pond. I mean, what's the point of promoting the sales of your condominiums with a swimming pool when all you can do is do a couple of strokes and you have completed swimming the entire pool.

And in some condominiums, even the poshy kind ... there are idiots! imbeciles! morons! who doesn't understand the concept of swimming. These are the pundeks who jumped into the pool fully clothed. They can't do that in public pools so they are happy that they have finally bought a condominium with their very own private pool. There are many occassions where I have seen these morons jump into the pool wearing shirts and track bottoms!!!! Geez! What da fark is wrong with all these people?

At the end of the day ... I think I will have to stick to running and continue to fark up my knees.

Dumb Ass

The kind of dumb farks we have working in the corporate world today. A client of mine requested for my email address and I requested my secretary to just call him up and tell him my email address over the phone. My secretary could not get hold of him and my client’s secretary answered the phone instead. The following were part of the phone conversation I overheard …

My sec: Hello?

His sec: …. (I don’t know what his secretary said, so you guys can just assume what she said)

My sec: Your boss needed this email address. Do you have a pen and paper now.

His sec: ….

Long silence on my sec’s part. I could see her drumming her fingers on the table.

My sec: okay. Its lembu@dtw.com.my

His sec: …

My sec: No No. @ as in the alias sign and not add. (sighs)

His sec: …

My sec: its dtw …

His sec: …

My sec: denmark, Thailand, whiskey

His sec: …

My sec: No. No. its D for denmark. T for Thailand. W for whiskey (shakes head)

His sec: ….

My sec: ok ok. Wait. Its lembu@dtw. D for denmark, T for Thailand, W for whiskey

His sec: …

My sec: ok. So its lembu@dtw.com.my

His sec: …

My sec: NOOOOOO!!!! Its not “dot”. Just that full stop mark.

His sec: ….

My sec: Yes, I did say “dot” but its not that. You just put a full stop mark. Then full stop. Then my.

His sec: …

My sec: Yes. Just “m” “y”. That’s all. Thank you. Bye. (after putting down the phone, she screamed …. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!)

Needless to say, I was laughing really hard in my room by then.